The Janomaly

Twenty-ten

2010-01-01T01:02:00.002+08:00

Dear everyone,

Happy new year! All the best for the year 2010. (: New year, new blog. Right here.

Goodbye, 2009. Goodbye, old blog. I might miss you.

- Hui Jan

Adieu, 2009

2009-12-31T17:30:00.005+08:00

Honestly, I never realised how many things happened this year until about half an hour ago when I started going through all my blog posts from this year. It's just been one hell of a crazy year, things went by so fast -- events that happened in January seem years back. Now for my customary runthrough of the year's events.

Welcome to Hui Jan's New Year's Eve post.

1. Christian Fellowship BOD and Editorial Board
I was in both clubs and was involved in both fundraising events. CF's was the Valentine's Day sale -- Valentine Bottles, Mini Jars and chocolates -- that Sarah planned. It was a heavy burden indeed for her, and I think she did a great job with it. Ed Board, we had to go from shoplot to shoplot in SS2 to ask if they wanted to publish an ad in the school magazine. Then we sold ice kacang at the school carnival, for which I had to boil 2kg of red beans. Ugh. Couldn't stand the smell of them for quite a while. Not very fun, but it's all stuff you look back upon and laugh at.

2. Bangkok
The best part of the entire trip was the Chao Phraya River, it was an experience to remember. Especially the longboat ride during which my mother and I were convinced we were going to ~~die~~ drown.

3. DAVID ARCHULETA SHOWCASE
He is an angel. He looks like such an angel in the flesh. He is not photogenic. BELIEVE ME. And, gosh, when he singggs, it's amazing. Everyone sang along, but you could still hear him through it all (anyone got that Angels reference?). PLUS I HAD JANIE WITH ME TO SQUEE.

4. Dublin IMPAC
I got shortlisted in the top twenty, which was sort of unbelievable, since I can't honestly say I worked very hard on my entry. I got three books and a cheque for RM100, all thanks to my mom nagging me to take part. She won't have to nag next year, I'm in for sure. Assuming the theme isn't too hard.

5. Scrabble nationals
This was a bit embarrassing because I did diddly-squat in preparation for this. We weren't even sure if it was on because there weren't any state levels. To my bemusement, though, my name was read out on the list of 'promising players'. In my defense, though, I had shitty tiles the whole of the second day. Ah, well. I need to get ready properly before the next one in order to justify my place on that list.

6. International Clubs Taekwondo Organisation championship
This was my last championship before quitting taekwondo for good, and I'm sorry to say it didn't go very well. My taekwondo spirit seemed to have left me some time before this, and I didn't prepare very well for this, either. The Vietnamese all snagged the poomsae medals, anyway -- those people are scarily good. I got 19.1 points over 30, which was pretty good, relatively. The Vietnamese all scored 22 points and above, though.

7. Work
This year, I started working at a restaurant called My Elephant. It's a Thai place, and I think I've had enough Thai food to last me a while. The other people working there are really nice, and it was a pleasure working there; yesterday was my last day, and, like Timothy, I'm going to miss it.

8. New phone
Got it on the 29th of December. Sony Ericsson G705. Slider. Wi-fi. I love it so. <3

9. Discipline Officer 1
I got my dream prefect post ever since I became a morning session prefect. I am highly grateful that the previous BOD entrusted me with this post, and promise I will not screw up.

And that isn't all, you know. I cut some out because I felt they weren't significant enough and therefore not worth blogging about. So much has happened this year, more than any other year; it all went by so fast it's insane.

Next year is SPM year, and my mother's begun going, "It's time to really knuckle down" and stuff. Timothy says his mom is the same, so it's good to know I'm not alone. Probably all mothers are the same when it comes to major exams, though. Bah. It's not quite fair of me to want to have SPM over and done with already, is it, since I haven't actually started suffering yet?

I'm going to be seventeen and driving and getting lost all the time too, next year. People keep telling me my sense of direction will improve drastically when I start driving; I sincerely hope that's true, because I'm going to be wasting a lot of petrol if it doesn't.

It feels weird that I will be a senior next year. A senior -- it sounds so weird. I'm going to miss my own seniors. Aaron's leaving for good this time.

Try as I might to visualise next year, I can't really. It's all foggy except for the SPM, which I suppose is to be expected, 'cause no one really knows what's going to happen. Guess we'll just have to sit tight and see where it takes us, huh?

Goodbye, 2009, you've brought so many memories, both bitter and sweet.

Hello, 2010. Be nice, yes?

Is it too late for snowflakes?

2009-12-29T13:18:00.004+08:00

You know, I think there are many things that shape a person's personality, not just their starsign. I'm rather into starsigns, always have been; I love how I'm pretty much a classic Aquarian, because it's probably the best starsign there is. (Biased? Moi?) But I've been reading and I've been thinking, about myself and other, and realised how many different things shape a person's personality. Here are some of them:

1. Starsign
2. Zodiac
3. Upbringing
4. Position in order of siblings
5. Number of siblings
6. Important events during childhood
7. Social standing (economy-wise)
8. Friends

So that's why people are so different, that's why some people completely don't fit the classic characteristics of their zodiac/starsign. My best friend Janie and I are both pretty much classic Aquarians, yet we're so different...and that's where numbers two to eight come into play. You could take two people who have numbers one, two, four, five seven, and eight in common (although, frankly, you'd be hard-pressed to find two people just like that), but their numbers three and six would not be the same.

If you could somehow search through the billions of people on the planet, you actually might -- might -- find someone just like you. Good luck trying to speak their language, though. Does culture affect one's personality? Might be yet another difference there.

Isn't it wonderful? We are our own person; there is no one in the world quite like we are. We really are special snowflakes, you know? It's amazing if you think about it.

"My point is, there are a lot of people in the world. No one ever sees everything the same way you do; it just doesn't happen. So when you find one person who gets a couple of things, especially if they're important ones...you might as well hold onto them. You know?"

- Olivia; Lock & Key, by Sarah Dessen

I love that quote. Luckily for me, I do know a few people like that, and I am most definitely holding on to them. <3

It goes on and on and on and onnn

2009-12-27T20:38:00.003+08:00

I'm getting that sort of restless feeling that tells me my mind's way too cluttered at the moment. In this post, I am going to just ramble on and on in no particular direction whatsoever in the hopes of clearing some of that clutter. People have said before that they like the way I think or know people who are scared of the way I think, and I guess by the time you get to the end of this post, you'll probably form your own opinion on the matter.

I'm actually really not looking forward to school for various reasons. Some of which being:
a) (i) Single-session school
(ii) Shortage of prefects
b) SPM
c) My handwriting is shit now
d) Distant memories such as homework and schoolwork and exams become an awful reality again
e) People I easily avoid by appearing offline on MSN won't be so easy to avoid anymore
f) After the Penang trip and then Christmas, I don't even want to think about trying on my uniform
g) School = tuition = hectic schedule

Look at me, being such a pessimist. Bah.

I also have several conversations with several friends rolling around in my head. One, for example, was about love. A friend was trying to convince me to change my stand on it. I think I've blogged before about not believing in it and shit, so yeah. Never took that fella to be one of those optimistic romantic types. >_>

Another one was about being pressured to accept Christ. Another friend and I were talking, and just... I don't know. These people, they mean well, but you can't just...make people say that Jesus Christ is their saviour. They have to really believe it, not just say it for the sake of saying it so they'll stop getting pestered. I am a Christian, yeah, but I don't agree with the way some people do things. It makes me sort of lose a little bit of faith, to be honest. I mean, people believe so many things and they all claim their branch of Christianity is the 'right' one, but who can be sure? Religion is a sticky business.

I've typed quite a bit, but the feeling's still there. What else, what else...

I hate to admit it, but I don't like David Archuleta's Christmas album. I used to love his voice so much, but I now find certain parts of certain songs annoying. Agh. It's probably me. I've changed. I've changed a lot over the past year.

It's so hard to digest that I'll be in Form Five next year. I can still remember my first days of Form One, hating Samad with all my heart. I dreaded school 'cause all my friends got posted to Taman SEA. I was the only one in my class who'd gotten Samad, and when our class teacher called my name and read out the school I was posted to, you could've heard a pin drop in the classroom. I hated the school, I hated the people, I hated me. It was awful.

Funny, now I can't imagine leaving.

At work, the manager and assistant manager are both ex-Samadians (win!). I asked Adrian, the assistant manager, and he says he misses it a lot. Now I really don't want to leave.

Gosh, Form Five. I remember thinking of this year's Form Fives as 'the Form Twos'. I remember being so intimidated by the Form Fives when I was in Form Two, even though it had Aaron in it. Aaron's leaving for good, gosh. I'm going to really miss him, esp if he's going overseas.

My Christmas was good. The highlight of my presents was the (Product)Red iPod nano I got, wheeeee. I haven't stopped admiring it, it's so pretty and shiny and new-smelling. Is it wrong that I feel less spoilt because a fraction of the price was donated to the HIV victims in Africa? I also got enough chocolate to last me at least the first half of next year. (Looking at you, Sze Li and Timmy! ;D Plus from the CF party.)

It's now exactly half an hour past the time I told myself I would get offline. I need to get myself some self-control, man. I go now. Goodnight, world.

Last Christmas

2009-12-25T13:32:00.001+08:00

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away.

Ah, the wonderful world of regifting.

It's here!

2009-12-25T00:51:00.002+08:00

Merry Christmas, everyone. I hope you have a great one this year. (:

Also, congrats to all the PMR candidates, straight As or not, for getting through a milestone in life.

Bed now. Goodnight, world. <3

The most wonderful time of the year

2009-12-24T00:17:00.002+08:00

Got back from the CF Christmas Party. T'was fun, and it was nice to see my friends and (sort of) long-lost seniors again! Hugs all around. (: You know what's funny? For the gift exchange, I gave chocolate, and received chocolate in return. The Lord worketh in strange ways.

It's practically Christmas Eve, but I still do not feel very Christmassy. Therefore, I shall treat you all to what my family normally does on the Eve as well as the day itself.

The day before Christmas Eve, my mom takes out the turkey to thaw. We have turkey every single year -- it wouldn't be Christmas without roast turkey. On the Eve, she starts roasting it sometime in the afternoon. We have the Christmas tree lights (chasing lights and a tree -- another staple of Christmas for us) on and the whole house smells like roasting turkey and we have to keep the dog away from the hot oven, seeing as how she possesses practically no survival skills. The wine goes into the fridge to be chilled around now.

At dinnertime, my uncle and grandfather come over, both bearing gifts, which go under the tree. The turkey is carved and served with its stuffing (bacon and sausage), vegetables, and wine. My sister and I get the drumsticks every year, and we pull the wishing bone together after the huge meal. I usually win because I've gotten the hang of this certain way to break it. Shhh. Aaanyway, we then have dessert, which is usually chocolate pudding.

After dessert, we all sit around and talk, listen to Christmas carols, and watch TV until midnight, at which time my sister and I are each allowed to open one present. Said tradition originates from when we were really young and rather insistent that we be allowed to open our presents since it was technically Christmas Day. Each year, we normally choose our uncle's or grandfather's to open.

My uncle and grandfather leave after that, and that's our cue to retire to bed one by one.

On Christmas morning, my sister and I are up earlier than usual and have to wait for our parents to get up so we can all open our presents together. Besides, they don't have anyone's names on them, so the gifter has to be there to point out which presents belong to which giftee. The floor is a mess of cellophane tape and wrapping paper after we're done.

The rest of the day is spent enjoying our presents and eating turkey sandwiches, turkey porridge, turkey whatever else. And then we're sick of turkey till the next Christmas rolls around.

I love Christmas, I think it is -- like the song says -- the most wonderful time of the year. Yes, even better than Chinese New Year with all the ang pows, because money isn't everything. There's just this feeling of peace and love, and I love that so much. Christmas should always be happy; nobody should be sad on Christmas Day, it's just wrong. It makes my December.

Wishing all of you out there a very merry Christmas and happy new year, while I'm at it. Have a great time with your loved ones and those who matter to you, because Christmas is meant to be shared. (:

The Curious Case of Edward Scissorhands

2009-12-21T00:26:00.002+08:00

These are two movies I absolutely adore. Notice the common theme between them?

They're not normal. They're both outcasts, misfits; they don't quite belong anywhere. No one really understands them, and they have nowhere, no one. (Well, okay, Edward had his old castle, but, still.) And even though they go through so much, they're both still really sweet people.

I'm not quite sure what this says about me. Either I relate to them and think of myself as a bit of an outcast as well, or I have a major soft spot for the underdogs. Except, it's not quite right to call them 'underdogs', and the reason for having a soft spot for them kind of brings us back to the first option. Hmm.

I felt a pull towards Edward (SCISSORHANDS, NOT CULLEN) even as I watched because he was so shy and vulnerable. He can't do a lot of things by himself, and it makes you both want to giggle and go all motherly on him. He's sort of someone you want to take care of, like a child.

Benjamin, I just want to befriend him. Sit down with him and just talk about everything. Ask him things about himself, make him tell me things, you know? I want him to have someone there.

Look at me going all weird over fictional characters. I'm really weird, aren't I? Anyway, if you haven't watched either movie, please do -- I think they're rather amazing.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

2009-12-20T00:10:00.002+08:00

I just watched it with my family tonight, and I love it. Really, I love it. Why did I listen to my friends who said it was boring? Not once did I feel bored all throughout the show, even though it was kind of draggy. Yes, it was long; yes, it was draggy. But I don't think there were any unnecessary parts in it.

Dying a baby is just so sad. I don't know, just the thought of a baby dying is awful. He'd lived for a long time by then, I know, but... The thought of it is just really sad. The old, wrinkled baby made me think of Lord Voldemort in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. It was horrible of his father to dump him like that, but I suppose it was understandable. His wife had died giving birth to what he must've thought was a monster, and he was upset. He did visit Benjamin from time to time, though.

Also, the man who aged backwards had a kid. A girl. He left her and his wife because he figured there was no way his wife could bring up their child and have to take care of him as a child as well. But he loved her. For her birthday each year, he wrote on a postcard and kept each one for her to read later, when she was older and could be told about her father. I cried when his daughter read out the postcards. It must be horrible to watch your kid age and not be able to have any contact whatsoever with them.

He must've felt so alone, Benjamin. He had nowhere to go, there was no one else in the world like him. No one would ever really get it, and it was just easier for him to lie -- who would believe his story, anyway? Death was such a common thing in his life, and he lost people dear to him again and again and again. How awful. Imagine having nowhere to rest your head, no real home, no family to speak of. Aging backwards sounds horrible.

This is an amazing, thought-provoking, bloody depressing movie. I'm going to go to sleep tonight thinking about Benjamin.

Matthew

2009-12-18T21:40:00.003+08:00

Today I was picked up from work and my whole family headed to Music Mart's Christmas celebration event. My sister was going to perform Winter Wonderland on her saxophone. The highlight of the event (that I SO wish I had a photo of) was--

No, not the Michael Jackson impersonator.

No, not the two little girls singing Wudolph the Wed-Nosed Weindeer. (It was cute, though. For the first verse or so, at least.)

No, not Santa Claus' appearance.

No, not my sister. Chh.

It was the Aseana Percussion Unit. More specifically, a member of the Aseana Percussion Unit. A boy. His name is Matthew, and he is so cute!

He was alternating between playing this small blue drum and shaking this shake-shake-chicka-chicka-sound thing. I'm sorry, I have no idea what it's called. And in another song, he picked up this long instrument I'd never seen in my life that basically functioned the same way as the shake-shake-chicka-chicka-sound thing. His timing and sense of rhythm was really good. Also, when the Aseana Percussion Unit started doing this dance to Rasa Sayang, he kept sticking his hands in the air in the opposite direction of everyone else. Aww! Seriously, he is so dang adorable. Really.

Oh, I think I neglected to mention that he's four years old. (Psych!)

I really wish I had a photo of him to show y'all. He is so incredibly adorable, I swear. I don't like little kids as a general rule, but I adore him. Eee. <3

When it rain and rain and rain and rains

2009-12-16T22:01:00.002+08:00

I haven't really been updating, I'm aware of that. It's just that nothing much is going on.

I'm working now, and it's a really nice place with nicer people, but I'm not sure if you want to hear about that. I'm doing my first night shift tomorrow. I'm a bit nervous since the menu's larger, but, well, if Timmy can do it, so can I! I can do this shi(f)t!

I have my Undang test on Monday, which I fell asleep attempting to study for today. It is so boring, I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through both books.

And...nothing. I feel so blah. This is a stupid post, I apologise.

Goodnight.

Insomniac in Penang

2009-12-13T17:00:00.001+08:00

Sitting here in a hotel room, a stranger in my own country 'cause I don't speak the local lingo. I should learn to bring notebooks along for trips -- instead of my nice, big journal, I've been reduced to scribbling down my thoughts on hotel note paper using my thigh as a writing surface. One page is all of big enough for one paragraph.

I'm sitting by the window, looking out at the world thirteen storeys below. The lights are beautiful; they're mainly orange, but I see red, yellow, pink, green as well. Houses in neat rows, talltall buildings, flyovers, roads -- the city is still and moving at the same time. I watch the tiny toy cars and motorbike ants and wonder about the people in and on them. It's funny, isn't it? You could be just going merrily on your way somewhere and not realise that someone's thinking about you, wondering about you. Maybe even wanting to be you. Or just plain wanting you.

Owl City is the perfect soundtrack right now. I feel even more lonely when it gets to Vanilla Twilight, though. But I'm in a peaceful mood, and the loneliness doesn't bite so bad. Orange lights against an inky black sky makes me feel at peace with the world.

If you look out at the balcony where the lifts are, during the day, you can see the blue of the sea nearly blending with that of the sky. Still, I prefer the city night lights. I'm such a city kid.

Owl City. I am in Owl City. It is inhabited by crazy insomniacs like myself. To be honest, I can't tell if I can't sleep or I won't let myself. Whichever it is, everything's getting fuzzy, and I will be writing crap from now on. I think I might fall asleep finally at this window.

I'm looking down and thinking what an incredible distance thirteen storeys is. What a mess there'd be if I just jumped or something. I'd go crashing through a roof of one of the houses below -- what awful shocks I'd give the residents. Oh, I'm not, you know, thinking of doing it. I'm just thinking about it.

I have so much to lose and there's still so much I haven't done. I say that, but I can't pinpoint anything for either one right now.

Who are all these people out and about, driving around at two a.m.? Why aren't they at home in bed, asleep?

Best Day Ever

2009-12-09T18:47:00.002+08:00

Dear everyone,

Today is the two-year anniversary of my MCR show. Exactly two years ago, Gerard, Mikey, Frank and Ray actually set foot on Malaysian soil and breathed our polluted KL air and played a show for us. My dad came with me because my friends are kind of fail. I hate crowds and made it through the whole set without passing out through sheer willpower.

That night, I saw my heroes perform. (The term 'saw' being used very loosely, since I'm frickin' short and there were frickin' tall Caucasians in front of me.) They played songs that mean a whole lot to me, and listening to the CD was never the same again after that. Cancer was amazing. Everything was pitch-black and the only light came from behind Gerard as he stood all alone on the stage, singing to us; like a star, in more ways than one. Famous Last Words gave me the best feeling ever, even though I knew it was the last song. They opened with This is How I Disappear, and everyone went absolutely nuts.

Sorry. I can't get my thoughts in order right now. Watching YouTube vids from that night. Dnsukndsjkdere those guys are amazing.

Unless you've been to one, you wouldn't quite get the experience of going to a concert by your absolute favourite band. It was heaven, it was hell -- awe-inspiring, either way. It was my first, you know? I'm glad they were the ones to pop my concert-going cherry.

I know I'm going through all sorts of phases right now, music-wise, but I never did stop loving them. They mean a lot to me, and no newcomer's going to change that. I do still Keep the Faith, if only on the inside. They make me happy, and I'm glad that they still do.

- Hui Jan

P.S. I saw Frank on the front cover of Alternative Press and read the article on them. Now I'm even more excited for their new album.

Sexist music listener?

2009-12-09T00:12:00.002+08:00

I was going through my Windows Media Player playlists just now and realised something: the artistes I listen to are almost all males. Seriously, in my Ear Candy playlist, there are only two songs by female artistes/bands with females in them out of thirty-seven. And in Slow Songs, again, there are only two songs, out of forty-four this time. In Random Ones, six out of a hundred and fifty-three. I have more playlists, but I'm too lazy -- and embarrassed -- to go through them.

Why is this so? I mean, I know there was a period of time where I was into slightly screamo stuff and I don't really like female voices in that particular genre of music, but that phase is over now. Do I have something against female artistes? And why should I? I myself am female and should therefore be supporting them, shouldn't I? Am I being sexist in my music choices or is this just the way my music taste is?

This is really weird. It doesn't matter much, I suppose. Still, it kind of bugs me a wee bit. Oh, well.

Ordinary people

2009-12-07T00:54:00.003+08:00

People I look up to (whether they realise it or not) :
Aaron Yip
Hwa Hong
Yu Hong
Mei Kuen
Miss Huey Ying
Gerard Way
David Cook
Mikey

These are people who -- unless they do something really stupid to tarnish their reputation in my mind -- I will always think of as above me. I respect them a great deal and they make me want to become a better person, each in their own way. I'm sure there are more, it's just I can't think of them at the moment. The thing about this list is that the people in it are mostly ordinary people, did you notice? They are supposedly ordinary, yet they inspire me so.

Ordinary people can be heroes too Think about it -- right now, some little kid could be picturing you in their mind and telling themself, That's what I wanna grow up to be. It's so amazing to think about, isn't it? That you and I -- ordinary people -- could be someone's hero, right at this very moment.

If that doesn't make you want to become a better person, I don't know what would.

That Jimmy Eat World song

2009-12-04T22:58:00.004+08:00

'Work', I mean. I was trying to be clever. :D

So today was my first day waitressing at a restaurant the name of which I shall not disclose. But, heck, if you want to pop in and laugh at me serving people, go to Sze Li's blog and look for the related post -- I'm working at the same place as her. (A/N: SZE LI, THIS IS ME HELPING YOU GENERATE TRAFFIC, OKAY.)

The people there are really nice and friendly. I mean, yeah, I can't speak Mandarin to save my life (which they were able to do fluently), but thankfully some of them spoke English as well. Funny thing is, I told them I couldn't speak Mandarin, which is true. I can, however, understand little snippets of it, and could more or less pick up on what they were talking about most of the time. They didn't know, of course. I found it kind of amusing.

I basically just served food and cleared and set tables. It's amazing, the amount of food people waste! I didn't know when to start clearing their dishes because I had no idea whether or not they were done. Some of them didn't place their cutlery in the position indicating they were done with their meal, either. Why do people pay full price for something they're just gonna eat half of, when they're with their friends? Sharing is caring!

I worked the lunch shift, and we got to eat after, all those wrong orders and stuff. Green curry noodles and hell of a lot of fried rice. I'm gonna be pretty sick of Thai food by the end of December, I'm guessing. They gave me the remainder of the fried rice to take back too, haha. I finally know what Pad Thai is! All I knew was that it's David Archuleta's favourite Thai dish, and I thought it was all exotic because it sounds like it. Pad Thai's really just noodles, gosh. I need to get into my head that to the Mat Sallehs, we are exotic, so whatever it is they find exotic, we probably don't bat an eyelid at.

It was a bit weird not, you know, having someone I know there. A while back, it struck me that I never go anywhere without someone I know. In all my tuition classes, I have friends. We actively plan to go places together, you know that? That makes me especially glad for today. I need to break away from that mindframe, we all do. We can't always have a friend there; there are most definitely times we'll have to walk alone. Relying on friends is great and all that, but we can't do that all the time, and I'm glad I've realised that. I'm going for my first driving lecture this Sunday; surrounded by people, but alone. And I know I'll be okay.

It both scares and excites me how fast I'm growing up. Whatever happened to Power Rangers and passing notes in class? Most importantly, what's going to happen in the future..?

Finals results

2009-12-03T23:10:00.004+08:00

I got all As -- five A-pluses, two As, and two A-minuses. My average is 87%. I studied really fucking hard for the finals, and I was actually quite pleased with my results.

You called my Chem marks 'disgusting'. I protested, saying I only need one more mark to move up from an A-minus to an A, but you said, "It's still disgusting."

You called my 87% average 'not good' because 'it dropped'. Because 'it's closer to 85 than 90'.

I just calculated the average of just my examination subjects, and guess what? It's 88%. Closer to 90 than 85.

But then there's always my Chem, BM, and Add Maths marks to be unhappy about, I suppose.

I got all As -- five A-pluses, two As, and two A-minuses. My average is 88%. I studied really fucking hard for the finals, and I am not pleased with my results anymore.

I'm never good enough. I'm never going to be good enough. Right?

I don't know why I let you get to me so much.

Tentative

2009-12-02T00:45:00.002+08:00

I'll come right out and say it: I am not looking forward to starting driving. Heck, I don't even want to start. My Grandad let me try out his Kancil, and I was so scared at first. When am I ever in control of something so large? It's a car -- it's bigger than me, it can kill people. It felt so surreal to be sitting in the driver's seat and know that I was in complete control of it.

The main thing, I suppose, is that driving, to me, signifies growing up. It's a milestone in people's lives, when they start driving. And I do not want to grow up. It's not that I want to remain at this stage of my life forever, it's just... I hear it gets worse the older you get, and boy am I not looking forward to that.

It's so scary how fast time goes by. I guess I should know that life's too short to be afraid, but I am anyway. I'm the only fool I know who isn't looking forward to driving. Eh.

Words of wisdom/comfort, anyone? ):

It's a downhill slide

2009-11-28T23:52:00.003+08:00

The things that I say, the stuff that I do, the phrases that I use nowadays, I'm scared I'm turning into some shallow bimbo who cares too much about stuff that doesn't matter. I've stopped writing, telling myself that it's writer's block, and I barely read anymore. I waste all my time watching Glee (which is awesomesauce, btw, I swear) and going on Fb/Twitter. This cannot go on.

I can't remember the last time I did something mentally stimulating. Word Challenge on Fb doesn't count. I don't know if this is some weird phase I'm going through or my personality is slowly changing into something I don't like. I fervently hope it's the latter.

What I mourn the most is the apparent loss of my ability to write. I miss writing a lot. The last story I wrote was kind of crap; while I liked the idea, it wasn't written well enough to really make it shine. That's what I hate about myself -- I have all these ideas and then don't present them well enough. People need to see the story the way I see it in my head, and I'm not doing a good enough job of writing it because it seems like I'm barely trying nowadays. I barely even write in my journal anymore.

Hopefully, getting a job will give me the kick in the ass I need. I cannot let myself turn into a stupid, bimbo vegetable. I cannot.

(Non-school-related) books, here I come.

Dimples

2009-11-27T09:06:00.003+08:00

You know what? I never knew I had a small dimple in my right cheek till...last year, I think. My mom has two, one on each side, and says she 'gave' one each to my sister and me; my sister's dimple is on her left cheek. Cute.

I like dimples. They just suddenly appear when you smile (or, in some cases, sing *cough*) and they're just adorable. I'd like to say more now, but I don't think I should. Not here, anyway, hee.

Off to the book sale in a bit, couldn't park yesterday. I should go get ready. See ya.

I Am the Wal-- I MEAN BOOKWORM

2009-11-25T22:30:00.004+08:00

We're going to the Big, Bad Wolf book sale tomorrow at Amcorp Mall, and my mom insisted we go through our vast collection of books (it's like a mini-library, really) and set aside the ones we don't want before buying some more. My sister and I sat there for over an hour of disgusted snorts and debates before coming up with a sizable pile of unwanted books. I just counted -- there are thirty-eight of them. And, as my sister pointed out, that's only a fraction of the total amount of books we have...on that shelf alone. We both have more in our respective rooms.

Good grief. I mean, yeah, I spent most of my childhood with my nose stuck in a book, but I never realised we had that many. Going through our books is a yearly thing too, so it's not like we're hauling out all our kiddy books -- those were gone a long time ago.

BUT ANYWAY, more books tomorrow, yay. Our father spoils us, hee.

P.S. In relation to the title of this post, I'm listening to The Beatles right now and actually liking it. Guess it just took me a while to take to them, eh? I don't actually like I Am the Walrus, though; way too trippy for my liking.

The Pugsy incident

2009-11-23T20:44:00.003+08:00

On Saturday, we went to the dog event thing at Central Park, Bandar Utama with the Pug in tow. It was pleasant enough, though I think we've been kind of spoilt by the Dogathon, which is a much bigger event with more stalls. We spent all of an hour there before coming back home.

Later in the afternoon, Pugsy was kind of going nuts. She ran everywhere, rubbing her muzzle all over stuff, scratching it like mad. She suddenly stopped and looked up to stare at me when I approached her. There was something...weird about her face. It looked a bit lopsided, I thought. Then I realised her muzzle was swollen, a little bit more on one side than the other.

I've suddenly lost the urge to blog. Ah, I'll carry on anyway.

We rushed her to the vet which was closing in fifteen minutes. He took one look at her and went, "Oh! This is an allergic reaction!" He gave Pugsy a shot on her hind leg (she jumped when the needle went in, but by the time she'd turned round to investigate, he'd already deftly pulled the needle out) and that was it. In minutes, there was a visible difference in the swelling.

According to the vet, she might not have lasted the night. Plus, he'd be shut the next day. Pugs are short muzzled dogs, so she would've had trouble breathing. Gosh.

Thank God we got her there in time. And thank God for Dr. Steven Yuen.

We Will Rock You

2009-11-22T00:41:00.005+08:00

I'm watching it again, yes, shh. I swear, the curtain calls get me every time. I love the Bohemians so much, with their dancing and pretty costumes. They look so playful, almost carefree; they spin around and leap and twirl, taking their bows and prancing off to make way for the next row.

Tony Vincent being so aw-shucks after holding the longest note ever makes my heart want to burst. That last note of We Are the Champions was just insanely long, and it took me a bit to realise he never paused at all.

But really, it's mostly the Bohemians that makes me so happy. They look so...magical? I can't find a word to describe it. I love them.

Eee, this musical makes me happy like no other.

P.S. I have a new story up. It's based on Owl City's Fireflies and, um, Peter Pan. Interested? :D

Prefects Camp 2009 (Part II)

2009-11-19T20:39:00.002+08:00

So the Night Walk. We were given paper and pencil to 'write down our feelings'. Um, okay, that would've been dandy if: a) it hadn't started drizzling and, b) it weren't pitch freaking black. Seriously, we were just walking and walking and walking down the road while the rest were being spaced apart, and it would've made no difference if Id been walking with my eyes shut if it weren't for everyone's white T-shirts.

A faci (short for 'facilitator') pulled me out of the line, sitting me down at the side of the road. I could see people across the road, as well as up and down the stretch of road. I could also hear some of them -- laughing, talking -- which annoyed me; we'd been told to keep quiet, sit, and think. I recognised some of them (at least, I thought I did), but no names, sorry.

After sitting on the damp road for ten to fifteen minutes, thinking about my life and self/feeling the wetness seep into the seat of my trackbottoms/realising how much the people I could see resembled lost, wandering spirits (one's imagination tends to kick into overdrive in the dark at night), we were told that we could get up and start walking. Suddenly, there were shouts to stop. 'Bro' went up and down the line twice, doing a head count. An airhorn sounded somewhere behind us, and that was when we realised something was amiss.

'Bro' screamed for 'Bobby' (our Head Prefect has a new name, yo) and it was announced that we were a person short. Khairul went down the line twice, asking each white T-shirt for their name as 'Bro' berated us for not listening to instructions and talking while we were supposed to be thinking: "Don't blame me, you were the people who didn't listen. Now you see what has happened?" While I agreed that those who were talking and laughing deserved a screwing, all I could think was, This is not our fault. Khairul ordered us to split into groups and do a head count to see who was missing as Bro berated him for "not knowing all your prefects". Um, hi, there were ninety-three of us, a fraction of which are from the afternoon session. Could you really blame Khairul?

No, I was not feeling very kindly towards 'Bro' right then. Not at all.

It was discovered that a F2 boy named Cjan Wai was missing. He's a skinny, bespectacled boy who looks like he'd get an asthma attack from just stepping into the jungle, so imagining him lost and alone in said jungle was, well, quite awful.

However, doubt niggled at my brain. Something didn't feel right. Why were 'Bro' and the facis so calm? Why wasn't anything being done? Was it a hoax to teach us some sort of lesson?

From the head of the line, Khairul yelled for the DOs, AOs, and the afternoon session Head Prefect. As I ran, I was pretty torn -- my head told me that it wasn't real, but Khairul never yells. I wanted to not believe it, but the thing stopping me was the horrible thought of it actually being real and my not wanting to lift a finger to help because I didn't buy it.

We were told to go back along the road and look for him. We'd managed to get torchlights from random prefects, but 'Bro' forbade us to use them. No torchlights, no calling his name. Hell, we might as well have been taking a one a.m. stroll, in that case. Since there were eight of us (morning and afternoon session Head Prefects, three DOs, and three AOs), I suggested that we split into two rows and walk along the edges of the road, since that was where we were placed.

So we walked. In the pitch black darkness. Very tense. We walked all the way back to the school (what ulu school is built at the edge of the jungle?), and nothing. Khairul said we were forbade to enter the jungle, so we stood at the border, called his name a few times, and left. On the way back, we looked extra hard, just in case. That was around when I started feeling dizzy. JJ told Hwa Hong to catch me if I fell, ha.

We got back to see everyone sitting down on the road, still in the same line, near the resort. 'Bro' was asking (if you ask me) stupid, irrelevant questions that seemed to only serve to terrify us. "What did he call his mom? No, I said how did he address his mother?" Blah blah blah, and I sat down, getting more pissed by the second. Apparently the stupid kid had brought his handphone along to the Night Walk, gotten bored, and called Mummy.

After some time, a faci approached us from the direction of the resort. He had by the elbow a red jacketed boy. From the groans and shouts and general outcry, I gathered this was the supposedly lost F2 boy.

"Do you know how many people hate you now, boy?" asked 'Bro'.

"Yes," he said, unfazed. He sounded almost cheerful.

"Do you know why you were chosen? Do you know why, out of all these ninety-three people, you were chosen?"

And that's when I knew what had happened.

The boy had gotten caught playing games and making calls on his handphone. He had been pulled out and brought back to the resort. They'd faked the whole thing to teach us a lesson for talking.

I was so mad I could've killed a puppy.

'Bro' heard me ranting to Edmund, and went, "Whoooaaa!"

Without hesitating, I turned to him and cried, "Why did you do this to us?!"

HAH, he was shocked. He didn't know what to say, and just looked away.

I was pretty upset the rest of the night. Called Herman before going to shower to just...let everything out. Thankyou for dealing with me, homo. I couldn't think of anyone else to call. (:

You wanna know something funny? As I was walking back to our apartment alone, Herman and Husi were heading up the stairs to their apartment, but hung around when they saw me coming, doing that awkward 'Yeah, I'm just standing here doing nothing, s'all cool, man' thing. If I hadn't been so mad, I would've laughed for sure. They both looked slightly wary, okay.

I growled, "I am really fucking pissed right now." Ha, like it hadn't been obvious enough from my black face. I don't remember if Herman said anything, but Husaini went:

"Just, ah, drink more water. *mimes drinking water*"

LMAO, AWKWAAARD. I hear I am very scary when I am mad, so that might've been a contributing factor, ahaha.

Anyway, I got over myself. And 'Bro' tried to rectify his mistake at the end of camp. He said that people all hated Cjan Wai, but it was really his fault, and he knew he made some people hate him that night. (Cue smirk.) I think he said he was sorry. So okay la. During that last part of camp, the people I had problems with apologised (whether they meant it or not), so I got over myself and decided to forget about it.

After blogging, that is. Which I have now done.

It's sad that that was our last prefects camp. In my opinion, there were more cons than pros, but oh, well. It was what it was, I suppose.

Now that I've finally finished blogging about the Night Walk, I am going to go to bed. The computer clock says it's 12:34 AM and I keep making typos. TIME FOR SLEEP.

Goodnight, world.

Prefects camp 2009 (Part I)

2009-11-18T12:29:00.000+08:00

Imo, there isn't really much to say. The things I do have to say aren't good things, which makes me think maybe I should keep them to myself. Last year's camp was wayyy better -- maybe it was the R&R periods we got. This year was better from the aspect that most of my friends were there, which made it better. (I get byyy withalittlehelp from my friends!) Since I'm too lazy to type out everything in order and all, I'll make a list and elaborate on each number. Here goes.

YAY:

1. Friends came along
This year there was Sze Li, Sarah, Ee Won, and Husi in addition to JJ, Choo Hong, and Edmund, so that was nice. (: Not to say that I don't have friends on the rest of the board, it's just these are the people I talk to the most. On the last night (before the last night, rather; before the jungle trekking), I was insisting that nobody sleep, because it was the LAST NIGHT of our LAST PREFECTS CAMP EVERRR. Choo Hong and I went down to Sze Li, JJ, and Ee Won's rom for a sleepover sort of thing that didn't actually involve us sleeping over. We had Hot Cup and Chipsmore and talked. We ended up getting a whopping two hours of sleep. (I'm thinking twooo is beeetter than NOOONE. :D)

2. Jungle trekking was a shorter trail
I think we took Hemmant Trail last year, whereas it was Bishop Trail this time. Plus, I doused me socks, shoes, ankles, and legs with mosquito repellent (I smelled good) and DID NOT GET BITTEN BY LEECHES, AHAHA. Jungle trekking is an excellent way to bond, I must admit. It's a beautiful thing to see people literally lending a hand to help others during the tough parts of the trail. I hear Hwa Hong saved Herman's life. How sweet.

3. Missing morning exercise -- both days
Because there wasn't enough time, the AJK and BOD meetings had to be held during morning exercise. I relished this fact, particularly the morning after jungle trekking.

4. Losing some of the weight I put on during the examination period
Our room was four floors up with no lift. Our luggage bags became doubly heavy after just walking up the slope to our block -- imagine tackling all those flights of stairs. (See also: number 2 in BOO.)

5. Realising that most guys here really are gentlemen
a) Husaini was super-patient with Ee Won who clung to his back like a scared cat all throughout jungle trekking.
b) Edmund helped me with the steep parts of the trail, also during jungle trekking.
c) Thayaalan offered to help me with my bag, insisting that his own were 'super-light'.
Who says chivalry is dead? (:

6. Treasure Hunt
Even though we never got the answers, I like it because it required us to use our brains, something I usually enjoy doing. We even talked to some of the (amused) locals. Go Red Hot!

7. Two groups
We were split into two different groups for different parts of the camp, so it was a chance to get to know more people. (:

BOO:
1. Night Walk
You know that thing where they make you sit alone in the dark in some unfamiliar place and think about yourself and your life? Yeah, they did that. Actually, wait, you know what? I'll dedicate an entire section to this part. It's too long to be a number. Moving on...

2. Sucky location of room
Our room was four floors up with no lift. Our luggage bags became doubly heavy after just walking up the slope to our block -- imagine tackling all those flights of stairs. (See also: number 4 in YAY.)

3. Amount of sleep we got
Over those three days, I'd only gotten seven hours of sleep, if you count the nap on the bus ride home. I kept bouncing from HYPER to manI'msotired.

4. (Edit: Removed. But there is a number 4.)

5. The air
It was kind of hard to breathe at times. I was thinking it was because the air was cold and my lungs don't handle cold air very well (hooray for asthma), but Husi said it was because the air was thin. Sze Li said the same thing. Hmm.

6. The weather
Have you ever tried going jungle trekking when it's raining? The canopy of trees mostly shields you from the rain, but the trail gets horribly muddy (I'm talking shoes-stuck-in-the-mud muddy, okay) and slippery.
It's lovely, you should try it sometime.

7. The money system
I didn't get it at all. Teams got fake money for every 'good' thing they did but fined for every 'bad' thing. I would've been in favour of the system had bodek-ing bro not been considered a 'good' thing. They were basically teaching us to suck up, no?

8. The juniors
I'm trying not to be ageist or anything, but almost all of them really, really need to grow up. Some of them need to stop ordering everyone around (ordering seniors around, no less), thinking that they are grown up. Pretty much every encounter I had with a junior was not a good one, and I had quite a few. Even Pn. Maha told them to their collective faces,"Grow. Up." I do think most of them are nice people, they're just pretty immature. The good thing was, Alexandrea apologised on behalf of all the F1s and F2s at the end of the camp, so, okay la.

I'll post the Night Walk part tomorrow. My fingers are tired, and damn, that thing's long. I write too much for my own good.

Tomorrow, I promise. Or the day after.

Overall, prefects camp was all right. To me, it was a chance for me to get to know my fellow prefects better, which I did, so mission accomplished, I suppose. (:

I hope poor Khairul's nickname doesn't stick.

Novel

2009-11-17T20:18:00.003+08:00

The reason I haven't blogged about prefects camp yet is because I have too much to say. It's taken up six pages in my journal already, and I'm still not freaking done. Also, I've been working on the layout of the ~new blog, and I like how it's turning out. Waiting for a good date to unveil it, hee.

I'll try to finish it tonight. Heck, I'll start typing out some of the six pages now. You don't get to see it till later, though.

My fingers are going to hate me.

Off I go

2009-11-13T00:18:00.001+08:00

Prefects camp in a few hours' time and I haven't even packed. So disciplined, I am.

See you in three days, blog. I'll finally have ample blogging fodder by then, hopefully. (:

Low

2009-11-10T17:02:00.000+08:00

I'm starting to think
that I really don't mean shit to anyone.

):

Exams

2009-11-06T22:53:00.004+08:00

Hello, readers. The examination period is one of self-destruction for me. Impossibly few hours of sleep, too much food, too little water, agh.

I've been waking up in the wee hours of the morning to study 'cause I'm just way too tired the night before.

However, God's been very good to me so far. For one thing, I haven't fallen sick yet. For another, well, I'll explain it another time.

I keep spelling 'conversation' as 'conservation' and 'talent' as 'latent'. Physics 2 was today, you see.

THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY. I'm going to bed now. Goodnight.

Kaulah laguku, kau irama terindah

2009-10-21T20:47:00.003+08:00

Kau Pergi by Aizat, from the Yasmin Ahmad movie Talentime. GO LISTEN TO IT.

Sepi tanpa kata
Terdiam dan kaku tak daya kau kulupa
Apa pun kata mereka
Biarkan kenangan berbunga di ranting usia
Hujan lebat mencurah kini
Bagaikan tiada henti
Kaulah laguku, kau irama terindah
Tak lagi kudengari

I'm tabbing the guitar parts after the finals and prefects camp. It's a reallyreally pretty song. First heard it when my dad showed us this clip as a tribute to Yasmin Ahmad; the song was really fitting. Why did I not listen to it again sooner?

In other news! Joey, Jacie and Hidayah all cut their hair. Short, I mean. I did the same thing right after my PMR, ahaha. However, the sudden influx of girls with short hair makes me not want to cut mine before prefects camp as I originally intended to. I'm still going ahead with it, though. Long hair takes an insanely long amount of time to dry in Fraser's Hill. Choo Hong's cutting her hair short too, so I won't be alone with my new short hair. :D

I'm gonna miss my current hair length a lot, it's nice when I let it down. It'll be nice to have short hair again, though.

Enough. Back to Physics/Sejarah. I can't take Chemistry anymore.

Come Home

2009-10-19T23:40:00.003+08:00

I'm kind of in love with Come Home by Onerepublic and Sara Bareilles. It's a really pretty song, I think, even if Ryan Tedder and Sara Bareilles' voices don't harmonise very well.

Right now there's a war between the vanities
But all I see is you and me
And the fight for you is all I've ever known
So come home

What would be even better is an acoustic, stripped-down version of the song. I mean, it's pretty stripped-down as it is, but imagining the two of them sitting together on a stage with just Ryan on guitar is just love.

I don't know what it is with me and mellow songs lately. Maybe I need more calm in my life.

Darn fireworks

2009-10-18T23:12:00.002+08:00

Studying right now is pret-ty annoying.

Bicarbonate ions -- BOOM -- combine with hydrogen -- BOOM -- ions to form -- BOOM -- carbonic -- bark bark bark! -- acid in the -- BOOM -- red -- barkbarkbark! -- blood cells.

Pugsy really doesn't like them Deepavali fireworks.

Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go

2009-10-11T18:58:00.003+08:00

I'll be on hiatus from tomorrow till after the finals. Normally, I'm not this nerdy, but it hit me a while ago how much there is to cover. The whole cramming thing I have sworn by since, well, primary school, probably, is not gonna work this time. Besides, the lack of sleep made me fall sick all the time, and I certainly don't want to fall sick more than I already do.

Also, I am trying to prove to myself that I do in fact have some self-control. I need to do well in these finals.

ON TO NON-EXAM-RELATED THINGS.

A friend of mine started laughing at and teasing me a while back 'cause I've been talking to Hwa Hong a lot. I just looked at him and asked what was wrong with it. What I didn't say is that Hwa Hong is probably a million times more mature than he is. I will talk to anyone I like, thankyouverymuch. Assuming they want to talk to me too, anyway.

Sometimes my friends are just...ugh, I don't know. They just don't get things.

Went for Khairul's open house today. Omigosh, the rendang was goooooooood. Really.

That's all I have to say, really. Hopefully, I'll start blogging better when I get back.

See you, everyone.

Eh

2009-10-09T23:08:00.001+08:00

I wish you would stop saying you're sorry and tell me what it is you think you did wrong. I'm not exactly sure if you're being sorry about the right thing, although you probably are.

Life on the moon

2009-10-08T18:51:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I feel so far away from everybody. It's like, there are people there, but I don't want them. I really want to talk to someone, but not to them. It's just weird. Most of the time I end up telling myself to deal with it and staring into space, just thinking. Getting weird looks.

This mostly happens in school. I don't... Ah. I'm in a funny mood.

I should go study. Ha.

Life on the moon, could it be any stranger?
Life on the moon wouldn't feel this far away
The life that I knew, it's through
And I'm gonna need you more than ever
I'm alone in this crowded room
It's like life on the moon

'Getting lost in my own atmosphere'? I do that all the time.

I'm glad I've found people who understand, though. Janie, Enwiico, Herman, Sara -- you are all amazing. Thankyou. (:

It's part of me indefinitely

2009-10-07T14:03:00.002+08:00

I don't think I could ever being myself to delete this blog. It means a lot to me, and it's pretty much actually grown to be a part of me. This is where I spew it all (with limitations, of course), this is where I seek advice and consolation and such. It's been with me since Form One, and, just...no.

I am not going to delete this blog. Ever.

Penilaian Menengah Rendah

2009-10-06T17:35:00.002+08:00

I remember, last year, it was October 13th to 17th. We started off with...BM, probably, and our last paper was Geografi. The first day, we were all just sitting around the basketball court, trying to cram the last bits of Komsas in before the paper. In all honesty, it was rather weird. I mean, this was it, the actual PMR -- this was it. So why weren't we freaking out?

We were told to gather at the gym after a bit, and, well... That was when we started freaking out.

For Sastera that year, my tuition teacher told me they'd asked everything in past years except for sinopsis and plot. Obediently, I'd memorised -- memorised! -- both sinopsis and plot for all three novels. How accomplished I felt, how ready. Luckily for me, Phoebe was studying her latar tempat right before, going on and on about Sekolah Bandar Tun Razak (2), Hospital King's College, stuff like that. So into the exam hall I trotted, feeling so wonderfully prepared, and what did I see the minute I got my paper two and turned to the back?

Latar tempat. *facepalm*

Seriously, thank God for Phoebe. If it weren't for her, I'd have had no idea how to answer that question.

I remember I was the second row from the back, right in front of Iis. A copy of my examination slip was glued to my nice, blue, free of scribbles table. I remember looking at all the columns in front of me, looking at my friends, my classmates, all lined up neatly. The air in the Dewan Bakti was so still, pin-drop quiet. I couldn't remember the last time we were all so tense.

They passed out the papers, and I remember being so intimidated by our booklet answer sheets for paper two. I remember trying to write really neatly at first, but giving up after a bit because I felt I was wasting time.

Right after our first couple of papers, it finally hit us that PMR was just another exam. I mean, after so damn many tests, exams, trials, and cerna minda-s, what was the PMR? That was probably when we all relaxed a little bit. It didn't help the air of the examination hall very much, though.

Sejarah my year was really easy. (: My sister went through my paper and said I got almost all the questions right.

GEOGRAFI, ON THE OTHER HAND, WAS NOT. EFF EVERYONE WHO SAID IT WAS. Right after (it was the last paper, too), my friends pounced on my paper and started screaming that every other answer was wrong. If they wanted to see me cry, they could've just said so, I felt a lot like it, anyway.

I'm trying to say this in the least bitchy way possible, but I think it's ironic that the friend who kept saying how easy Geo was got a B for it.

Anyway!

Word is, they use the same KH paper every year. I don't know how far it's true, but KH was easy.

I'm not going to bother to say anything about Math, Science, or English, because I liked those subjects, and they weren't a problem for me.

Last night, I couldn't sleep. I kept waking up every hour, on the hour, for whatever ridiculous reason. Tossing and turning in bed, I couldn't help but think how much it felt like Form Three again, not being able to sleep. The lightheadedness and tiredness the next morning were familiar as well. I'm thinking I'm super-sensitive or something, 'cause I found out my sister went through the same thing last night as well.

Maybe sleep just doesn't like me. Whatever.

Good luck to all the PMR candidates out there! Eat well, sleep well, and keep your head.

Because, right now, it's the only thing you people can do. ;D

(:

2009-10-05T21:00:00.004+08:00

Guess what, guess what?

I'm going to start a new blog. Next year, probably. I've got the URL in mind, and a bit of the layout as well. Working on it during the school hols, when I have the time.

This new blog will have some semblance of order, as far as the tags are concerned. I'll make them accessible too.

I won't be deleting this one, though. This blog is a pretty big part of me, and it's not something that I want gone. I've always hated abandoned blogs, but my last post will be the URL of my new blog, so it'll be more like coming to the end of one chapter and then moving on to the next.

A new chapter, a new beginning.

Man, I'm excited already.

Ulang kaji

2009-10-04T11:54:00.002+08:00

My sister's been studying and studying and studying, and I feel so bad. I should start studying too, there's less than a month left to exams.

I keep telling myself that, but I'm such a lazy little twit.

PMR in three days, yo.

I keep thinking of/spelling 'conversation' as 'conservation'. I think it's because we did a bit of the Principle of Conservation of Momentum in Physics tuition.

Total momentum before collision = total momentum after collision.

Argh, I should be studying Chem, my Chemistry marks are usually epic fail. Sejarah too.

I'ma stop crapping now. Goodbye.

Did you feel it?

2009-09-30T23:28:00.002+08:00

TheJanomaly: Earthquake in Sumetera, Indonesia; 8.9 on the Richter scale. Who else felt the tremours?
(Yeah, I just realised the spelling mistake in 'Sumatra'. And 'tremors'. My followers must be digusted with me, ha.)

Journal entry:
I have no idea wtf just happened, but we felt tremors during BM tuition. It was a really weird sensation; at first I thought someone was shaking the floor, but that sounded ridiculous, so I figured it was the table that was being shaken.

"Who's shaking that table?" Sara and I asked, at the same time. Nobody was. I suppose that was when we all figured out what was actually happening.

All I could think about was the poor Filipinos/Vietnamese, but Mummy told me later that they're too far away for us to feel anything, and it must've been an earthquake somewhere near us, maybe Indonesia. (Edit: Silly of me to have thought that, really.)

I read in the papers today that so far, over 30 Vietnamese are dead. It's probably risen by now, the death toll. In the Philippines too.

So, what, it's the Philippines, Vietnam, and Indonesia too? I know we're not supposed to ask this, but why, God? ;___;

Philippines and Vietnam, imagine the poor kids over there. Kids should be worrying about getting their toys from too-high-to-reach places and evading naptimes rather than getting to too-high-to-reach places in order to evade death.

As we sat there just experiencing the tremors, I thought, God, please help these people. It was over in under ten minutes, and it happened at six-something p.m. I wonder what actually happened. ):

Typhoon Ondoy/Ketsana in the Philippines.
Typhoon Ondoy/Ketsana in Vietnam.
An earthquake and a series of tsunamis in Samoa.
An earthquake in Sumatra.

It's like God's mad at us or something. ;_;

I'd ask what next, but I really don't want to know.

Typhoon Peping

2009-09-29T19:21:00.003+08:00

I hear Ondoy is heading for Vietnam now. They're making all sorts of preparations and evacuating people -- it's good to hear that they're getting their stuff in order before it hits.

But you know what? Typhoon Peping's heading for the Philippines now, hitting in about two days' time. Already, the death toll's almost 250. Haven't they had enough?

Reuters.

God, make it stop. Please make it stop. ;_;

#7 - Whatever tickles my fancy

2009-09-28T22:55:00.001+08:00

day one. a song // day two. a picture // day three. a book/ebook/fanfic // day four. a site // day five. a youtube clip // day six. a quote // day seven. whatever tickles your fancy

How many of you know about the typhoon in the Philippines? Typhoon Ondoy?

I found out about this on, well, Facebook (so it isn't good-for-nothing after all!). One of my friends in the Philippines posted a Note about it -- the rain, the atmosphere, the desperation -- and I nearly cried reading it. She actually cried writing it. To know that so many people over there are going through that and feeling those feelings is just...really painful.

Berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu memikul. Never has there been a more appropriate time for that saying. For those who don't know Malay (i.e. REETUH), literally translated, it means 'as heavy as it is for the eyes to behold, it is even heavier for the shoulders bearing it'. Or something like that.

There are pictures. There are all sorts of pictures, and they are awful.

http://ohnvm.livejournal.com/71562.html

Those are the worst I've seen. Look at the first one -- at first I thought he might be dead.

Speaking of dead:
Summary of Affected Population
DEAD: 73
MISSING: 23
INJURED: 4
(Taken from Winwab.com)

But, no, it's risen. This, from Yahoo, is, I think, the latest:
Teodoro launched the appeal as he announced the death toll had climbed sharply to 140 people, with another 32 missing and 453,000 forced out of their flooded or destroyed homes.

One of my friends has been stuck in her grandmother's house since Saturday, when she went over there for her piano class. Her parents were stuck at their workplaces for a while, but I think she said they called her from the house later. The road back to her house is flooded, she says, and she can't get back home -- her parents must've made it before the road got really bad. I'm just really glad that the piano class was at her grandmother's house instead of, say, a music center. There wouldn't be food nor water there, and at least she's staying with her grandmother.

It's just... I've always heard about these kinds of things, but they've never seemed this real. Don't I feel like a right prick for being bored online while people there are struggling to survive. Some of them not succeeding, too.

I talked to my parents about donating, but my mother's 'cynical about these kinds of things'. She says she found out that in another donation to cancer patients, all of 30% gets through to them, after everybody takes their cut of the money. In the tsunami donation, apparently a lot of people siphoned off some money, so that the actual amount that reached the victims was considerably smaller than what was donated. What kind of fucking selfish bitch actually steals money from these people, people who need the money so much more than they do?!

I went to the Philippines National Red Cross website, but they want donations in installments -- weekly, monthly, and annually. It's not a one-off thing, which I don't like. It's not like I can do anything anyway, since I don't have a credit card.

However, those of you who do (Paypal works as well, I think), if you'd like to donate, please go to the Philippine National Red Cross or Philippineaid.com. These people are stranded in various places, and everything is running out -- food, water, clothes, space, time. Anyone who can, please please donate. A little really does go a long way sometimes.

I probably won't sleep very well tonight. The picture of the child covered in mud, hanging limply in the arms of his rescuer haunts me even when my eyes are open.

#6 - A quote

2009-09-25T22:26:00.001+08:00

day one. a song // day two. a picture // day three. a book/ebook/fanfic // day four. a site // day five. a youtube clip // day six. a quote // day seven. whatever tickles your fancy

God knows I'm not very devout (see the double meaning?), but there's this part of the Bible I came across a little while ago that I love to bits. I remember reading it when I was really little in Sunday school, and now I've found it again. Let's Talk About Love.

1 CORINTHIANS CHAPTER 13 (excerpt)

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

There are three things that will endure -- faith, hope, and love -- and the greatest of these is love.

Sounds amazing, doesn't it? Too bad we humans have to go ruin it. (': I love my family and friends and all, but not quite in that way; but that is God's definition of love, and what I feel doesn't seem to measure up to that. So what is it that I'm feeling?

Although, maybe I'm being an idiot, mixing love up with myself. Now that I think about it, there are people who I'm genuinely happy for when good things happen to them. Because I love them. Ah, well.

I love youuu! <3

P.S. Let's Talk About Love is a song by David Archuleta. It's kind of sing-songy and fluffy, but the title seemed fitting.

New phone

2009-09-24T19:03:00.001+08:00

So I'm thinking of getting a new phone. (Yeah, I'd like to continue blogging normally while still doing the meme, thankyouverymuch.) I have my eye on Sony Ericsson, 'cause, well, I love it. I dropped my old one in the toilet, and it still worked for quite some time after that, okay. Whoever says it's not durable?

I'm looking at the W595 and the W910. The 595's a little over my budget, though. I'm paying for it with my own money, and I still need money to buy birthday presents and Christmas presents and stuff. YES, I THINK AHEAD A LOT.

People have been telling me to buy secondhand, but my mom's not letting me do that unless I know the seller personally. Or if the seller's a friend of a friend or something.

People have also been telling me to save up a little more, then spring for something nicer like the HTC Touch, which I'm reluctant to do. I don't need such a nice phone.

I'm pretty confused right now, not to mention frustrated. Advice, anyone?

#5 - A YouTube clip

2009-09-24T18:54:00.001+08:00

day one. a song // day two. a picture // day three. a book/ebook/fanfic // day four. a site // day five. a youtube clip // day six. a quote // day seven. whatever tickles your fancy

The Marshmallow Test.

My mom told me about this one a while back, and I found it on YouTube! Some of these kids are just so adorable (and my saying that is something, because I don't like kids as a general rule).

It's not some weird kids' Science experiment thing, I promise. Go watch it! (:

#4 - A site

2009-09-23T19:48:00.001+08:00

day one. a song // day two. a picture // day three. a book/ebook/fanfic // day four. a site // day five. a youtube clip // day six. a quote // day seven. whatever tickles your fancy

urbandictionary.com

I go on forums, and therefore use a lot of acronyms that hardly anyone I know in real life understands. Now, I bring you urbandictionary.com. It's a wonderful site that's pretty much like dictionary.com, just better. Look up real words, slang, crazy acronyms -- it's all there. Another great thing about it is that you can submit your own words + definitions and add them to the site, as long as the editors give it the okay. Dictionary.com and Wikipedia combined!

Imo, you should definitely check this site out. And please stfu if you cba. (:

#3 - A book/ebook/fanfic

2009-09-22T22:15:00.000+08:00

day one. a song // day two. a picture // day three. a book/ebook/fanfic // day four. a site // day five. a youtube clip // day six. a quote // day seven. whatever tickles your fancy

I'm having a lot of trouble with this one, honestly. Song? No problem. Picture? Sure. Book or fanfic? Oh, crap.

What I'm aiming for here is to sort of promote something that not many people have heard of before, that I believe deserves some attention. It has to be something I feel strongly about and love, something amazing that I really want to share. And I can't think of anything like that at the moment.

Okay, I got it! Hurrah for inspiration.

So there's this book that MPH published in...2005. It's called livin' it! a collection of stories on teenage life and in it are the winning essays in a national-level writing contest that had been held a year before. There are forty-two altogether, grouped into these categories: passion, introspection, love & family, growing up & teen angst, young wisdom, a sense of humour, and from another's point of view.

Some of the stories here I hold pretty close to my heart. They're short (because of the word limit), but I never get tired of reading them. They make you laugh, they make you think, they make you see things from a different perspective. And, really, what more could you want out of a book? My favourite is Rantings of an Intellect by Muhd. Ahnaf Abd. Rahim (I found his LJ, yay!). He's a former Samadian, the guy who got fourteen (I believe it was) A1s and fasted for every one of them, he was so thankful.

Another reason why I love this book is that, well, if MPH continues this, it's a chance to get published. To actually be published in something that isn't your school magazine, how amazing would that be? To have people buying a book with your name in it, people willing to pay to read something you wrote, it's just-- Honestly, it would be a dream come freaking true if I ever got published. Really.

Anyway, I'm not sure if MPH is still selling the book, but I got my copy for only RM 10, and I do believe it was money well-spent. Grab one if you see it around, you're bound to find something you like in it.

So that's it for my book. Tomorrow, a site.

Hmm. I need to mull that one over for a bit.

#2 - A picture

2009-09-21T21:19:00.005+08:00

day one. a song // day two. a picture // day three. a book/ebook/fanfic // day four. a site // day five. a youtube clip // day six. a quote // day seven. whatever tickles your fancy

So I'm no shutterbug with no hulking DSLR, but here are two photos I took when I was in Bangkok. The klongs of Chao Phraya River really fascinated me, it was amazing to see a market like that. Think a wet market, just, well, wetter. We learned about it in Form 2 Geo, sure, but it certainly isn't the same as seeing it in real life.

It was cute to see people actually selling ready-to-eat food on their longboats. It's not like selling on land, where if you drop a plastic bag of food, it's fine because you can just pick it up. Here, you drop something, it's gone forever unless it floats.

The market was alive and bustling, and the klong, as you can see in the first photo, was pretty jammed in some parts, but the, um, driver (what are they called?) of each longboat skillfully steered their way through, seemingly without any trouble. Multicoloured umbrellas, fruits and souvenirs made my head turn this way and that, there was just so much to see. When people on one side of the klong wanted to pass stuff to people on the other side, they tied them to this pulley system they'd set up, and off whatever it was went, over everyone's heads.

Seriously, it was just so nice to watch and take in. The gentle sounds of water, the exchange between buyer and seller, people actually cooking on their longboats... That was probably my favourite part of the trip, the Chao Phraya River.

Oh, memories. (:

#1 - A song

2009-09-20T22:28:00.003+08:00

day one. a song // day two. a picture // day three. a book/ebook/fanfic // day four. a site // day five. a youtube clip // day six. a quote // day seven. whatever tickles your fancy

Fall Out Boy - What a Catch, Donnie

That's the official video as well as the song, and I think you should go watch it. (It's sort of cheating, I know -- look at day five -- but how else am I supposed to provide the song?) I first saw the video on TV without ever having heard the song in my life, and fell in love immediately. I knew the song because Rita and JackJack had the first line as their signature and MSN screen name respectively, and, stupid me, I never bothered to check it out before. It's an amazing, amazing song, with a video to match (hee).

It's a pretty sad song on its own, but the video gives it a serious boost. Probably it's got something to do with Patrick sailing alone and being all, well, lonely and sad. He's such a sweetheart, as he was in the video. Then Pete going down with the ship, saluting him, and, just-- Watch the video, please watch the video.

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THE VIDEO -- I'm supposed to be talking about the freaking song.

What I love most about it is that, near the end, they got some other singers to sing lines from various Fall Out Boy songs. I couldn't identify any of them except Brendon's (frontman of Panic at the Disco -- if there still is a Panic at the Disco, I honestly don't know anymore) and so headed over to Wikipedia:

Cameo appearances
Elvis Costello - "Headfirst Slide into Cooperstown on a Bad Bet"
Gabe Saporta (Cobra Starship) - "Grand Theft Autumn/Where Is Your Boy"
Travis McCoy (Gym Class Heroes) - "Sugar, We're Goin Down"
Brendon Urie (Panic! at the Disco) - "Dance, Dance"
Doug Neuman - "This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race"
Alex DeLeon (The Cab) - "Thnks Fr Th Mmrs"
William Beckett (The Academy Is...) - "Growing Up"

The Decaydance gang, mostly. I should've guessed Mr. Saporta was doing Grand Theft Autumn. Same with Mr. McCoy and Sugar, We're Going Down. Shame on me.

The strings, I'm pretty much a sucker for any song with electric guitars plus strings, 'cause songs like that are usually huge-sounding and epic. And huge-sounding and epic this one is. Plus, Patrick jumps one whole octave higher to sing the chorus, and it didn't start out that low, either.

I got troubled thoughts and a self-esteem to match
What a catch, what a catch

Another part I like is:
They say the captain goes down with the ship
So when the world ends, will God go down with it?

I recall reading that in one of Pete's journal entries when I was one of those follow-their-every-movement fans. When I heard it being sung, I smiled.

This is my current favourite song, and, well, I think it's frickin' amazing. Major kudos to every single person who played a part in putting it together. Every now and then, you come across a song and wonder how anyone could write songs as amazing as that, and this is one of those songs. It's pretty much perfect for when you're feeling a little down, since the 'na na na-na na' part gives it this sort of 'let's be miserable together' feel.

And then they take it in turns to sing different lines at the end, and it just-- Agh. It's perfect.

Why, though, do I get the feeling that Brendon's first "dance" in both lines is out of tune?

Sharing meme

2009-09-19T23:55:00.002+08:00

day one. a song
day two. a picture
day three. a book/ebook/fanfic
day four. a site
day five. a youtube clip
day six. a quote
day seven. whatever tickles your fancy

I found this meme on Livejournal, and I'm importing it to Blogger. 'Cause I'm cool like that. Although I don't believe Sunday is the first day of the week, I'll start tomorrow. Because I'm supposed to be off the computer in two minutes, which is hardly enough time to decide which song I want to blog about. I kind of have one in mind, though.

Anyway, fun starts tomorrow. For now, bed.

Goodnight.

Love life

2009-09-16T22:25:00.002+08:00

My love life is super interesting if you ask anyone but me.

Phoebe and Sze Li think Timothy and I would make a good couple, while Timothy is of the opinion that Herman has a thing for me.
Shi Chuen thinks I have a thing for Joshua Choong.
Sarah speculates on what it would be like if Bob were my boyfriend. However, Bob thinks I should go out with Jay Mohr.

Oh, dear Lord, save me from my crazy friends.

Books and The Beatles

2009-09-14T22:29:00.002+08:00

I've been reading a lot lately, and it's nice. Since the MPH warehouse sale (I think), I've read:
Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk
Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult
Head Games by Mariah Fredericks
Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie
The View From Saturday by E.L. Konigsburg
This End of the Rainbow by Adibah Amin
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling
I Don't Want to Be Crazy by Samantha Schutz
The Gift by Cecilia Ahern

Head Games and The Gift were rather dissatisfying. I don't think I'm touching Cecilia Ahern again.

The Adibah Amin book was one of the books I got from the Dublin IMPAC thing. I hadn't touched it since I got the thing, and when I opened the front cover, I smiled to see a 'With Compliments' sticker from The Star and, written in cursive, 'warm regards, Adibah Amin'. I have a book autographed by its author now, wow. (:

In other news, I've been listening to The Beatles on the computer, and have decided they aren't really my thing. Sticking to Queen, thanks.

Vertically challenged

2009-09-13T16:19:00.002+08:00

It amuses me how tall people have to bend down to hear what I'm saying sometimes. Herman, Timothy, Wye Hong, Phoebe, sometimes even Sze Li. Hwa Hong pratically doubles over into some sort of half-bow -- it was all I could do to keep from laughing when I was trying to tell him something quietly at the prefects' fall-in.

Obviously, they can't expect me to jump, jump, jump and speak into their ears, so they have to bend down to hear me. And it's sort of like, 'muahaha, bow down before meee', y'know? Funny. xD

However, being short apparently makes my shoulders the perfect general height for armrests. Flinging an arm over my right shoulder, one of my friends sighed, "Ah, perfect height!" This is a pretty big con, 'cause I'm not too comfortable with being touched, especially by people I don't know very well.

Ah, well. I'm short, and I'll just have to deal with it, I guess.

My Immortal

2009-09-12T22:59:00.002+08:00

I had planned to read the whole of My Immortal, just for the lulz, but I don't think I can do it. I've only finished twenty-one chapters, and I can feel my brain rotting already. This thing eats away at your IQ level, I swear. Gahhh.

Boys of Summer is a sweet song, really. I'm listening to the one by The Ataris. Oh, you know that song, When I seeeee youuu smiiiiile, I can face the world? It has some pretty corny rhyming, but I love it. Oh, let me be a teenage girl for a bit.

Laying off My Immortal for a while. I need my brain.

LOLOLOL

2009-09-08T22:43:00.002+08:00

OH OH OHMYGOSH

I AM LAUGHING SO HARD I CAN'T BREATHE AND EVERYTHING HURTS

MAJOR LULZ

BAHAHAHAHA!

Things

2009-09-08T19:16:00.002+08:00

Oh, is it Blogger's birthday? HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BLOGGER, I LOVE YOU SO! <3

Although ENTJs are not naturally tuned into other people's feelings, these individuals frequently have very strong sentimental streaks. Often these sentiments are very powerful to the ENTJ, although they will likely hide it from general knowledge, believing the feelings to be a weakness. Because the world of feelings and values is not where the ENTJ naturally functions, they may sometimes make value judgments and hold onto submerged emotions which are ill-founded and inappropriate, and will cause them problems - sometimes rather serious problems.

ENTJs love to interact with people. As Extroverts, they're energized and stimulated primarily externally. There's nothing more enjoyable and satisfying to the ENTJ than having a lively, challenging conversation. They especially respect people who are able to stand up to the ENTJ, and argue persuasively for their point of view. There aren't too many people who will do so, however, because the ENTJ is a very forceful and dynamic presence who has a tremendous amount of self-confidence and excellent verbal communication skills. Even the most confident individuals may experience moments of self-doubt when debating a point with an ENTJ.

So apparently I've turned Extroverted. Fine with me, really, but it's interesting to think about. This time, say, two or three years ago, I was an Introvert, you know. Funny how things (like ourselves, ha) change.

For those who don't know about the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI):
ENTJ - Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging (Extraverted Thinking with Introverted Intuition)

I think it's pretty cool. It's like the personality test, you know? Google it, you can take it anywhere. The Facebook one's pretty good.

Also, I'd like to announce that I finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows...in two days. Whoo! It was my second time and I cried and I laughed and enjoyed it thoroughly. Two days. Boy am I proud of myself, bahaha.

Now to focus on more important things. Like the Bio powerpoint presentation and Physics homework. *sadface*

Musings

2009-09-06T22:33:00.002+08:00

There are two stages in teenage years, I've come to discover. (There might be more later on, but I wouldn't know about those yet.) The first is when you think you are so smart and brave and up-there because you are...*drumroll, crashing cymbals* a teenager. The second stage is when you realise you are not so bug after all and had better stop acting and thinking that way, because you are...a teenager.

I wonder, when we lose our silly overconfidence in ourselves, does our childish idealism go with it? Realising that you're not as great as you think you are is probably the first step to really growing up, to maturity.

In the grand scheme of things, we, our petty problems, and our ever-changing beliefs amount to barely a speck the size of a font size 12 fullstop. The idea here is to make ourselves into something a little more significant as we grow up. Unless, of course, you're content with being a font size 12 fullstop, but I can't imagine why that would be.

I myself would like to be something like a font size 76 exclamation mark. You can sneer, but at least I'm still aiming for punctuation rather then words or even sentences. Or, well, maybe I just haven't lost all my childish idealism yet.

And, you know what? Maybe that's actually a good thing.

Porcelain

2009-09-06T14:33:00.003+08:00

The paint has worn bare, your eyes have started fading
Were they ever even really there?
Nothing to give with everything you take
The cracks in your smile make it impossible to decipher something legible
Your porcelain face and a heart of glass

I will always love that song. <3

Journal extract II

2009-09-02T16:37:00.002+08:00

... I guess that's why I'm so nice to people who come to me with their problems. That time, I just felt so, so very alone, which has to be the worst fucking feeling in the world. I never want anyone, especially people I care about, to feel that way, I never want them to feel like they have nobody in the world. Honestly, I don't think anyone deserves that, ever.

So I talk to them, I listen. Offer different points of view or advice, if they need it. I worry about them, check up on them, pray for them. I want them to know that someone cares, even if that someone is just me, because it matters, even if it's just the tiniest bit.

Recently, someone told me that they used to go around not talking to anybody, thinking that nobody liked them because they were ugly and fat. Which, whoa, déjà vu much? I guess, back then, the trouble was that I thought I was the problem. Since everybody else was the same and I wasn't like them, I figured there had to be something wrong with me. Which there wasn't really -- I was just different, is all. I'm glad I realise that now.

Sze Li (who is one of my best friends, okay) says that I'm a hard person to read and get to know. Think about it, I guess it's true. I'm very honest, and if someone asks my opinion on something, or I think someone needs to be firmly told something, I will tell them. However, in school, I don't often talk about what I'm thinking about. For one, I have to put whatever it is in simpler terms, taking away some of its impact and meaning (apparently, I have 'bombastic English', ha). And even so, my friends hardly ever understand, or -- worse -- they pretend that they do when it's obvious they don't. The conversation is inevitably brought to a screeching halt by my hurriedly going, "You know what? Never mind." The one who understands me the most is Sze Li, and even so, that doesn't happen all the time.

I guess I'm just a complicated person who isn't easy to get. :/

This is why I love talking to people like Herman, Sara Au, and Mikey. Thoughts and words and feelings just flow, and it's such a nice change to be able to talk that way -- I can't tell you how frustrating dumbing yourself down is. Oh, Enwiico too, that boy thinks a lot as well. I don't agree with him most of the time on things, but it's nice to hear a different point of view. Hwa Hong's nice to talk to too -- how many people can make you laugh over and over without even really trying? He's so cool he has his own religion, yo.

I actually thank God every now and then for helping me find people like me, who have at least half a brain and actually use it. You know, it's not that we're super-duper deep or anything, it's just, we think, and it's not our fault that other teenagers make us seem that way.

Gosh, how egocentric do I sound? I know that there are people out there who are farrr more intelligent/forward-thinking/wise in the ways of the world than any of us, but, the thing is, I don't know them. They would probably think me shallow, and I wouldn't blame them in the slightest, because, compared to them, I probably would be. And then if someone like that were to read this blog post, I'd probably just die of embarrassment.

I remember wondering why I thought so much. I also remember wondering why I couldn't just be like everyone else, why I seemed to be so different from them. Now I've realised that's just the way things are, and, well.

I'm glad I'm different.

Journal extract I

2009-09-02T16:15:00.006+08:00

I watched We Will Rock You (WWRY) again on Monday, my last chance to do so before school began. In full, it was my second time; overall, my fourth. I just love that musical so much, gosh. Even the curtain calls, especially the curtain calls. The first one, they appear in rows and bow, then dance and twirl off in their costumes. It must be so amazing to be part of something so big, and just dance and sing and make music together. To feel everyone's eyes on you and love it, feel the rush as you hit the high notes. Bowing low to applause at the end of it all, thank God that everything went well.

I found this postsecret:

But I can't sing to save my life, so that's the end of that wish.

I think what I like about WWRY is that the different people win. The rebels, the rejects, those who shunned everything Ga Ga, they won in the end. The two leads put up with a lot of shit, but it turned out to be worth it.

"I-I know that I'm different!"

See, so do I. And even though I know this is fiction, it's nice to be able to derive some comfort that things are gonna turn out okay. And, well, it's nice to think that I'll find my own ~~Shagaleo Gigolo~~ Galileo Figaro one day, you know? Even though I'm weird and different and all 'scary' and 'intimidating', I will find somebody one day, I know I will.

The musical gives me hope, I guess. It makes me happy. Galileo and Scaramouche seem to be telling me that we different people will make it in the end, and I'm holding on to that for dear life. I want to be somebody, I want to mean something.

There are far too many Ga Gas around. And I ain't no Ga Ga girl.

Everything hurts

2009-08-30T23:30:00.002+08:00

No, I'm not being 'emo'.

If you really hate yourself, try going for a two-hour badminton session when the most you ever played before was an hour, months ago.

MAJOR OUCHIES.

And my back has been breaking from this heavy heart

2009-08-27T21:09:00.002+08:00

I don't know, I just don't know anymore. I don't want to think, feel, know, care, remember, hurt. There's way too much going on inside my head, and I just want everything to please stop.

I hate seeing other people sad, I hate not knowing what's going on, I hate not being able to help. Especially that last one, I hatehatehate that. Not knowing what to do, how to make it better. Feeling so powerless. It's one of the worst feelings in the world.

I can't talk to anyone. I can't express myself to people like I'm doing now; I need to be writing to nobody in particular in order for everything to come out like this. Everything's just all over the place, and I'm worrying about him, I'm trying not to freak out about her, and I'm wondering how Grand Uncle Peng's chemo is going.

And someone just came to me with another problem which I am supposed to advise them on because I am Hui Jan -- I am practical, dependable, stable Hui Jan, and I always help people with their problems, even when I myself am trying (and obviously failing) to keep it all together.

I think I'm going to explode.

Someone, anyone, who understands, I need to talk to you. Please.

I'm feeling a transition

2009-08-25T22:55:00.003+08:00

I remember, somewhere near the starting of this year, I was in the prefects room, dropping off my bag before duty. Outside stood a junior of mine, calling for us to hurry up since it was duty time. I remember just standing there for a while, watching him when he wasn't looking. He was such an awkward mix of boy and man, you couldn't really say which one he was. You see the school uniform and the tall, gangly frame and think boy, but then you see the hairs on his lip and hear how deep his voice is and you think man.

And it's not just him, the same goes for any teenager. Just that with girls, it's girl and woman, obviously. It's so funny to watch, this funny transition stage that we're all currently stuck in; we're fascinating. We're changing day by day and don't even realise it, because everything changes over time, and we just think that was how it was before. Some of us don't even realise how much we've changed.

I watched this video and LOL'd muchly.

I remember Edmund telling me the name of the song he sang at the KPM thing, and stumbled across something that sounded like that on YouTube. So I watched it, and to my utmost glee, it was the same one. And maybe Edmund shouldn't have told me or something, 'cause it was him I was laughing at.

Anyway. Back to the topic.

I watched it, and I thought, Is that my Edmund? Is that my Herman? Edmund looked sooo dang babyfaced and adorable, but I never knew his voice could go so low. Herman looked like a gadzillion times older (than Edmund), and everyone knows he sings amazingly well, anyway. I've contributed three, at least, to the eighty-one times it's been watched, and now you can do your part too!

Mei guei, oh, mei gueiii!

Ahhh, Edmund will always be my lil' bro. (':

Put a smile on that face

2009-08-24T21:29:00.002+08:00

I have so many people I want to thank. It's not like I've magically gotten over it, but I've gotten better ~~at hiding it~~. I know it's...rather minute a problem, and if it were any other time of the month, I probably wouldn't have wanted/needed to break down the way I did. But the point is, I did, and people listened. Y'all listened and sympathised and offered little bits of support and advice that were just what I needed to give myself a good kick in the ass (figuratively speaking, of course) and pick my sorry self up. Thankyou, sososo much. To every single person I've told about this (ha, I'm making it sound as though there were so many) -- thankyou. <3

Very rarely do we talk about me on MSN conversations -- it's always me asking about the other person, except in Harman's case. So yeah, it was a nice change. Just saying.

Ily alllll!

Blah

2009-08-23T21:25:00.002+08:00

Everything is heavy. Sadness drips saturated from my fingers; it never evaporates. Slowly, agonising, it will drip, drip, drip out from me, nowhere near fast enough to keep up with its production. It seeps into my system -- poisonous, toxic -- and weighs everything down. Feet drag, arms sway, heart slows, and all I can do is wait for it all to drain away.

Why did you weave that web if you meant none of it? Why did you spin sugarcoated nothings, why go through the effort? Am I some sort of test subject girl?

My head is raging and spinning, but my heart is far too still. I don't like this.

Shut up about my being 'emo' and just let me get it out of my system, 'kay? I'm not feeling too good right now.

Hui Jan likes this

2009-08-22T21:30:00.001+08:00

much older!
Mature, smart and very experienced. You may not look 20 years older, but you sure do sound. You may find yourself fitting more with people with who are older than you and might find you're always chasing that next stage of your life. Your life is very unique with the experiences making you wiser than your generation. Many people look up to you, and you date people that are much older than you.

Hmm. (:

Invisible Monster

2009-08-21T21:32:00.003+08:00

People, seriously, I am not that scary a person. Really.

I mean, when I first heard this one guy was scared of me, I just laughed and attributed it to him being overly-timid or something. Then another guy pretty much told me he felt the same way. And now another friend just told me that another girl -- another friend -- is scared of me.

What the hell. Did I just...turn into some sort of monster and not notice it or something? Since when was I so scary, anyway? I don't get this at all, and I'm just pretty freaking upset right now. You might say that I have to be scary to be a good DO, but for heaven's sake, not to my fellow prefects as well!

What am I doing wrong here? What's going on?

):

Ugh

2009-08-17T23:20:00.002+08:00

Didn't get much sleep last night, was so worried that the play would bomb. Prayed I-don't-know-how-many times, I was so so so scared. Then when I finally did fall asleep, I dreamt that my hair was falling out, bit by bit by clump by clump.

When I picked up the new bottle of conditioner in the shower just now, I read the label and snorted. It said 'hair-fall control'.

I think sleep just really doesn't like me or something, I dunno.

Days seem so long and everything's mix-mashing together and I'm so lost all the time. Is this the way things are supposed to be?

Was it a dream?

2009-08-15T23:47:00.003+08:00

I had a nightmare last night. Spent the wee hours of the morning crying, both when I was asleep and awake. In retrospect, it was pretty weird of me to cry like that, but I don't know.

There was a big house with two darkdustyempty bedrooms, an old lady living with us (I don't even know who she was supposed to be, she was very pale and asleep all throughout), a friend telling me he was moving to Australia at 12.30 that very day, me freaking out, me getting out of a car in the middle of the road and running, my schoolbag being in a hair salon, and me crying a lot. I don't even know, okay.

When I woke up, my pillow and bolster were wet. So I continued to wet them, to hell with tissues. Dried tears on my face the next morning. I think I had more bad dreams, maybe they linked together.

I kind of want to not go to sleep tonight, if that's possible. People have done it before, right? I might as well not have slept at all last night; I slept the whole dang afternoon away.

It's not that I'm afraid of more nightmares, I just don't want to...cry. I don't like it. Haven't cried like that in God-knows-how-long.

Think ha-ppy thoughts, think ha-ppy thoughts, think ha-ppy thoughts.

P.S. The Australia thing? Yeah, it was you. You know who you are. I kind of want to tell you, but don't really know how. ):

Galileo, Galileo Figaro

2009-08-12T20:29:00.003+08:00

2003 Theatregoers' Choice Awards nominations
Best New Musical (WINNER)
Best Actor in a Musical - Tony Vincent (WINNER)
Best Actress in a Musical - Hannah Jane Fox (WINNER)

HELL YES. Taken from the We Will Rock You (musical) Wikipedia page. No, I'm still not over it.

In fact, it sent me into this whole 'I want my own Galileo Figaro' thing. Other teenage girls want their own Edward Cullens, but no, I want a Galileo. Because, well. Just because.

"You're different! I-I'm different too!"

'Different'. That one word made me sit up straighter in my seat. Everyone here is the same. I want someone different.

I want to watch it again already. Memorise some bits.

Sighhh.

We Will Rock You

2009-08-09T23:36:00.007+08:00

Oh mah fah gah.

We just watched a recording of We Will Rock You (hereafter known as WWRY), the musical based on Queen songs, and it was just as amazing as I thought it would be. The songs, the theatrics, the lights and backdrops -- everything about it screamed 'EFFING EPIC', and effing epic it was. Honestly, I was just sitting at home watching it and some parts were so huge I wanted to cry; I imagine that if I'd actually been in the theatre, I'd have been bawling my damn eyes out.

Oh, gosh, Under Pressure, their version is my favourite ever, I swear. Before I'd heard their cover, I hadn't even liked the Queen/Bowie one, okay. After I did, I couldn't stop listening to it. I love the chemistry between Galileo Figaro and Scaramouche in the cast I saw. Their different versions of I Want to Break Free were cute. Who Wants to Live Forever was so miserable and touching and lovely and beautiful. They sounded so vulnerable and everything, and, dang it, how could you not have felt sad?

And, and, it's like Bohemian Rhapsody was meant to be sung in a musical by tens of people, that was just amazing. Of course, WWRY and We Are the Champions (WATC) were awesome. I thought they were closing the show with WATC, but then this screen appeared, with the words, 'Do you want Bohemian Rhapsody?' and the audience cheered. 'Oh, alright, then...' and then Galileo Figaro appeared and the piano started. So cute.

I love the songs I Want It All and Headlong, but they weren't all that amazing in the musical. I think it was the black guy, Britney Spears (LMAO LMAO LMAO) -- I didn't really like his voice, it didn't seem strong enough. These are songs which need powerful, Freddie Mercury voices (yeah, sorry for stating the obvious), and, sorry, Britney, you didn't really do them justice. (I giggled each time they said his name.)

Love how they slipped in Don't Stop Me Now; would've loved it even more if they'd found some excuse to include the whole song. It's one of my favourite songs of all time (no, really), so I was slightly put out when it was cut short. They put a more fun spin on Crazy Little Thing Called Love, which was rather enjoyable, while It's a Kind of Magic and Radio Gaga were allowed to retain their dreamy-epic-snap, snap/clapclap feel. One Vision too, I think.

Flash (I bloody hate that song) was found a rather fitting part in the musical, and right after that came Seven Seas of Rhye. Fat Bottomed Girls was majorly, majorly sesat, and you had to groan when they started singing Bicycle. Oh, Killer Queen was good, haha.

Here I am trying to remember every song there was in there when I know it's impossible. Giving up now.

There were several references to the Beatles, only some of which I got. For example:

Britney Spears (LMAO LMAO LMAO): Who are you?
Galileo Figaro: I am... I Am the Walrus!

Lololol.

You know another reason I want to cry? I could have gone to see it. I could have gone and watched all this amazing epicness firsthand, I could have bawled my eyes out and not given a shit what my mother thought of her lunatic, crying daughter, I could have felt the atmosphere of the theatre change with each scene, I could have freaking sung along to WWRY and WATC with them!

They came to Singapore last year, and my mom and I wanted to go see it, and we were actually going to get tickets and take a coach down, but I-can't-remember-what came up, and we didn't go. I can't remember what it was that stopped us from going, which is probably a good thing; if I did, I'd be agonising even more, okay. I think Daniel's dad want, Daniel told me. Lucky lucky lucky.

Anyway. What I really want now is the CD. You know how at musicals, at the merch table, they sometimes sell audio versions of the musical? Yeah, I reallyreally want that now. And I know such things exist, because my parents have the Phantom of the Opera one. It's currently residing in my room, because I love Overture.

Dang it, I have Radio Gaga stuck in my head now. I don't even really like that song.

And now I reallyreally want to change my Twitter or IAR or some username or other to Galileo Figaro, 'cause it sounds so out there. Scaramouche would work as well. Hmm.

Tony Vincent vs. Mig Ayesa? If we'd gone, we would've seen Mig Ayesa, anyway. They both play Galileo Figaro, if you didn't know. I don't know the name of the girl whom I saw, but I like her and only her, after having seen bits of other Scaramouches.

Alllll we hear is
Ra-di-o Gaga...

Tonight, Tonight

2009-08-07T22:58:00.003+08:00

Tonight, I am happy. I got to talk to people I like talking with, and for once, no one's being all pushy and inconsiderate and I don't need to put up with people I don't want to talk to. Plus, no Physics tuition since I went for the evening class.

And and and I've found someone else who has half a brain like me. Who is mature and not afraid to say it. Who reads as well, and loves the MPH warehouse sale just as much as I do.

No, I'm not in love. This person is a girl, and her name is Sara Au.

Yes, I have Janie, but she's too busy nowadays, so we can't talk. ): And Janie, if you're reading this, no one's ever taking your place, so don't go all insecure on me. ~~Being the insecure best friend's my job.~~

Also, I have concluded that Hwa Hong and Jacie are awesomesauce. I'm not sure why I keep saying I hate this year's F3s; there's Herman, Hwa Hong, Jacie, Azim, Nico, Daniel, Jocelyn, Hidayah, Mel Yee, Chee Hoe...okay, I think I remember now. Kiddinggg.

Anyway, I'm happy. I'm also addicted to David Cook's cover of All I Really Need is You. I think it's originally by Neil Diamond, and as much as I dislike him, I have to admit that I love the lyrics.

Just say what you wanna say
You don't have a chance in the world

Can I, knowing how I've tried

Still come close to losing you, girl

When you are my world

Have I, spent so many nights

Trying but in vain to tell you

Don't you know it's true

All I really need is you?

Love love love love love. I love it so much. Want the original, please.

It's almost one a.m. Goodnight, world.

P.S. [Janie/Herman/Sharona/Andy/Isa]? Imissyou. ):

Do not want

2009-08-05T21:54:00.003+08:00

Something that I don't exactly parade around is that I have these set characteristics that I want/find desirable in a guy. There are certain criteria a guy has to fulfill before I...allow myself to really like him, as ridiculous as it sounds. And, as it is, I'm one of those people who are pretty against high school relationships. I think they're sort of a waste of time, and that they almost never last.

Therefore, it kind of gets to me when people try to matchmake me with some guy. Because, in the end, that's just what he is -- some guy. And I do not like him. I will not let myself like anyone. No one I know measures up.

So, people, please stop it. I mean, yeah, I'll laugh along for a bit, but it gets a little annoying when you bring it up every half a chance you get. Just cool it, okay? I really don't want to lose my temper in front of y'all over something as minor as this. You're my friends, and I love you so, but enough is enough, yes?

Pressie

2009-08-03T23:09:00.003+08:00

I am preparing part of Timmy's birthday present. Hee, I hope he likes it. Actually, I'm pretty certain he will, assuming he doesn't already have these.

I feel like such a stalker right now, it's insane.

Contents of the Happy Birthday, Timmy! folder I'm Sendspacing to him:
Analog Heart (David Cook's pre-Idol album)
David Cook (the post-Idol album)
A subfolder of all of the studio versions of Cook's songs on Idol
A folder of pictures

There're twenty pics so far, I think. Off to scout for some more, see ya.

I'm thinking

2009-07-29T21:14:00.002+08:00

hujan with an i says:
And, well
hujan with an i says:
That's just the whole problem nowadays
hujan with an i says:
You care about people and don't show it, and they feel unloved, and that no one cares
hujan with an i says:
And all that love and care goes to waste, 'cause the person who's on the receiving end doesn't feel it
hujan with an i says:
It's quite sad.

I love talking to people who make me think. Stuff like that just comes out, and I surprise myself sometimes. I like conversations that leave me coming out of it feeling pensive, thoughtful. I love hearing different takes and opinions on things, because people's minds work so differently it's incredible.

I think, tonight, Herman and Mikey sort of restored my faith in people. Those of you who don't know who Mikey is, scroll down and follow the link to view the comments for my post titled Different. He's amazing.

I can put up with all sorts of crap talk every day if I just got a chance to have a conversation like that every now and then.

You don't wear my chains

2009-07-28T23:20:00.002+08:00

I would be totally cool with it if God hit pause on life and let us all just chill for a bit. More than 'totally cool', 'totally ecstatic', more like.

Why is there so much to do all the time?

Today in Bio, anorexia, bulimia, and colon cancer came up; I sat there trying not to cry from the double whammy. Spent the rest of the lesson thinking about two different people, not really bothering to focus on the lesson. What could the CD tell me about the three nutrition-related subtopics that I didn't already know, anyway?

I just want them to be okay. The two of them -- one I've never met, one I haven't seen in yonks -- I want them to be happy and healthy again.

When people are not okay, it spreads to me, because I want everyone to be okay. I can't be okay when there are people I care about who aren't, 'cause I think that's just wrong. And I think I'm rambling, so I'll shut up now.

Really not in the mood to study right now. My Physics test tomorrow is screwed.

Goodnight.

International Clubs Taekwondo Organisation

2009-07-25T23:29:00.004+08:00

Taekwondo ICTO today. Not in the mood to talk about how I did, it was pretty eww. Got 19.1 over 30, which was quite all right, compared to others. But, uh, the Vietnamese pretty much dominated the top spots, all of them with over 22 marks.

There was this one Iranian guy who was shit scary, in sparring. He kept aiming for the head, since it was double the points and he was tall. Vicious. The poor Malaysian guy who had the misfortune of going against him had to be lead off the ring, he was kicked in the head that many times. It was so awful to watch, but it was the kind of thing you couldn't take your eyes off it if you tried. I hope the Malaysian guy's okay.

I don't know anymore. When people are getting beaten up in the ring, Beater Up's side cheers and whoops and hollers their approval. It just seems so...savage. Then you have people analysing Beater Up's movements and stuff, and no one cares about Beaten Up. How did this become a legit sport? What does this say about us? Yeah, it's safer now, it's sport, but there are still people out there who hurt to win. Meaning they actually set out to injure their opponent in order to put them at a disadvantage for the rest of the bout, or even make them resign. That's just so damn sneaky.

Timmy and I were talking about seeing a David Cook lookalike, but no go. The Caucasians were mainly little kids who were sooo adooorabllle. Seeeriously, if I don't marry a mat salleh, I'm gonna want to adopt a Caucasian baby. But then I might have problems disciplining him (YES, I WANT A HIM, WITH BLONDE OR LIGHT BROWN HAIR LIKE AN ANGEL), 'cause they're all so damn adorable. I wanted to take one of them home and keep him in my cupboard, gosh. They're so cute.

Bryan, Little Boy and I didn't even get into the finals for poomsae. Ann got walloped by this other girl, Nazirul had stomach pains or something and didn't do well either (in his second bout, at least; he won his first one), and Eshton (I think I saw that was how to spell it on the paper Sir Jacky had with him) got his writing hand broken. Today was not a good day for BBTA. Juan and Joyce tomorrow. All the best to the both of you! WE LOVE YOU, JOYCE! :D

In other news, I'm kind of addicted to the song Boston, by Augustana. It's one of those old songs you recognise when it comes on the radio, but never knew the name to. Jian Xin sang it for his audition, and I was all "Omgah" and downloaded it. The lyrics. I think I'm so attached to it because of its lyrics.

I think I need a sunrise -- I'm tired of the sunset.

That one line just describes pretty much everything. I lovelovelove that line.

Going to go to bed now. I'm going to the Robinson's sale tomorrow, haha. Yay, discounts. Goodnight, world.

GAH

2009-07-22T22:18:00.002+08:00

SICK. TIRED.

NOT LOVING LIFE VERY MUCH ATM.

Auditions for Interact installation tomorrow. I'm nervous.

'Night, world.

Different

2009-07-19T20:55:00.001+08:00

"Hey, Jan? Do you ever get the feeling that you're a little different from your friends?"

HA. ONLY, LIKE, HALF THE TIME.

"I think you're at least like three years above your friends, man. Your thinking and the way you think is like *raises hand above head* higher than theirs."

Those statements were made by the same person, but not on the same day. Not even in the same week, I think. They made me happy and sad at the same time.

I know I'm different. I'm very different. Maybe I'm just being egotistical and stuck up and elitist or something, but I honestly do believe that I am different from and maybe more mature than my friends. You know how I know?

Something to think about: someone older and more experienced will understand the viewpoint of someone younger and inexperienced, having thought that way before themselves, but the latter will rarely see where the former is coming from. And that's how it is with us sometimes, unfortunately. It's definitely isn't fun being the funsucker. I'm always the one seeing flaws in plans and stuff, and it sucks. I'm off the CF BOD in August, and someone told me via sms, 'we neeeeeddd you...'

I want to talk to Sze Li and possibly Timmy about this, but am afraid that I'll come off as some awful, stuck-up prick. Ugh. I guess I'll just post this on my blog and see what you all think.
I'm not an awful, stuck-up prick, I swear. At least, I don't think I am.

This is probably the reason why I've been single all my sixteen years of life (not that I really have a problem with it) -- no guy measures up. I mean, it's not like I want someone to sit around trying to find constellations in the night sky with while discussing the meaning of life, you know? Although, that does sound quite nice. You know, just lying/sitting and talking about life under the stars. Anyway. I want a guy with...substance, if that's a fitting word for it. I don't want a wading pool -- I want an Olympic-sized one.

I've been calling 'mature' a lot, but never really bought it till now. I hope this isn't some subconscious, desperate attempt to be 'special' and all that.

But I'm wondering, how did it come to this? My friends and I, we've all been alive and living for the same sixteen years, give or take a few months. What happened?

I'm a normal teenage girl, I swear. I just think a lot more, is all.

Pictures of you, pictures of me

2009-07-16T22:40:00.004+08:00

There's this thing called Face Your Manga, and I decided to give it a shot a while back. I found the picture I saved while sifting through my Photobucket account just now, and I think it's sort of satisfactorily similiar:

That's me in my prefects' uniform. Bahaha. I remember, after making the thing, I looked in the mirror that evening and realised I forgot about the other four or five moles on my face. Holy moley!

Speaking of prefects, Mock Board 1 is out. I'm Treasurer, whee. Do not want Secretary. DO NOT WANT, DO NOT WANT, DO NOT WANT. What I really want is DO, though. Fingers crossed?

Khairul's Head Prefect, good on him! JJ and Choo Hong didn't get posts. I wonder what that means.

I'm tireddd. Kind of obvious, since I'm not even bothering to properly construct a proper post. I'm sorry for all the crap. The last real post of mine was the MJ rant, wasn't it?

Want to see a dork camwhoring?

I'm sorry, Archie, you really aren't helping all those gay accusations. I still love you, though.

Another crap post, I'm sorry.

Goodnight.

RAY FUCKING TORO

2009-07-15T21:55:00.004+08:00

Offensive title, yes, but you probably wouldn't get it unless you've seen the MCR merch. YOU GET THE 'FUCKING' TREATMENT JUST FOR TODAY, RAY!

Happy birthday, youuu. Continue to be amazing and nerdy and this all-around nice guy, please. You're thirty-two now, gosh.

Torosaurus. Does anyone even still call you that?

Ily ily ily ily.

Have an amazing day. <3

TheJanomaly loves DavidArchie

2009-07-15T21:36:00.003+08:00

DavidArchie My left eye's red again. That little stinker.
about 15 hours ago from txt

Oh, Archie, I love you so. How I ever survived without reading your tweets, I have no idea. (':

This is ridiculous

2009-07-12T23:49:00.003+08:00

Have a click at this:

I don't even know what to think anymore.

It's My Life

2009-07-12T22:01:00.002+08:00

I wanted to do this tag again, 'cause I have new music on my mp3 player. I'm the kind of loser who only now realises that not all old songs are eww and goes around downloading random ones.

RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
I Want You (Chica Cherry Cola) - Savage Garden
LMAO.

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
About a Girl - The Academy Is...
Uh. Okay.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Wonderwall - Oasis
You're my wonderwaaall. (:

WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
The Ghost of You - MCR
...no?

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Boys of Summer - The Ataris
Ouch! xD

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Works For Me - David Archuleta
Ha, I don't think so.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Avalanche - David Cook
World events?

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Dead! - MCR
x_x

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
I Don't Want to Miss a Thing - David Cook
That works. :D

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Somebody Out There - David Archuleta
OH, YES.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Mmmbop - Hanson
I wanna be a Mmmbop, yep, yep.

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
The Take Over, The Break's Over - Fall Out Boy
D:

WHAT WILL/DID YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Teenagers - MCR
THAT would be interesting.

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Touch My Hand - David Archuleta
That too.

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Lie - David Cook
DDD:

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
King of Wishful Thinking - Go West
A stalker. :D

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET
I Don't Wanna Be - Gavin deGraw
Hmm.

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
Brooklyn (If You See Something, Say Something) - Taking Back Sunday
Never been there.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Zero Gravity - David Archuleta
Nooothing brings me dowwwn when you're arooouuund.

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
It's My Life - Bon Jovi
:D

Breaking up is hard to do

2009-07-12T00:12:00.003+08:00

Everyone is breaking up and being sad, and it's making me so sad too.

You who were supposed to sing ALTNOY for me:
I'm so effing really sorry I wasn't there on MSN that one time. I hope you're okay. I smsed you, but I think you changed your number or something. Talk to me, okay? Ily.

You whom I just had dinner with:
This isn't the end, not really. You love him and he loves you, and the both of you know that. It's not the end of the world, okay? Chin up. Ily.

You whom I don't really speak to:
Really? For real..? I'm sorry, and I hope you're okay. Contrary to what people say, I think you're a good person, and that you deserve to be happy.

Ugh ugh ugh. This is why high school relationships are never a good idea. ):

EVERYBODY, PLEASE BE HAPPY AGAIN.

Michael Jackson

2009-07-11T01:30:00.002+08:00

I'm rather disgusted about the hype surrounding Michael Jackson's death, to be honest.

First of all, it highlights the whole 'you don't miss something till it's gone' thing which I hate, 'cause you're supposed to appreciate things or people while they're there, dang it. People used to be going on about what a weirdo he was, spreading all sorts of insane rumours about him, and now you have people comparing him to Jesus Christ? Good Lord. (No pun intended.) Where were all his sobbing supporters when he really needed them, eh?

And then you have half the world exploiting his death, and the other half being stupid enough to be exploited. Tickets for a memorial service, I ask you. Performances in some theatre in LA by random superstars and 'fresh faces' hoping to finally get their big break. People selling hastily cobbled together MJ memorabilia. Put 'Michael Jackson' in front of anything you're selling, and you're bound to have suckers who'll buy it. What is all of this?! And interviews, left right and centre. They get paid for being interviewed, don't they, the family members? Jermaine Jackson was on Larry King Live.

Speaking of which, they opened some parts of Neverland for filming for Larry King Live, which is just so wrong to me. 'Neverland revealed', blah blah blah. Neverland was his home, his sanctuary, what the heck does his family think they're doing, letting everyone see? (Unless I'm an idiot for getting my facts wrong, and he'd already sold it off. If anyone knows anything about this, enlighten me, please.) They even went into his bedroom. For crying out loud, show his guestroom, his train, his kitchen or whatever. Don't let random camera crew people tramp around his bedroom!

I am just so...ugh. I don't know very much about him, but I doubt this would've been the way he would've wanted things to be.

It's almost two a.m. and I have friends coming over tomorrow. I could rant about this forever, but I should go now.

Goodnight, world.

RIP, MJ.
...if they'll let you.

David Cook

2009-07-11T00:30:00.003+08:00

Picture posts are fairly rare on this blog, but I felt the need to tell the world about how this picture makes me melt to become a little puddle of mush on the floor.

And this one as well.

David Cook is the most amazing person ever. <333

Why, thankyou

2009-07-07T22:50:00.002+08:00

DCALTKXD says:
And [A/N: Name withheld, lulz] thinks youre better looking than jiunn jie

Lmao. Let me tell you, JJ is the best-looking girl in the form. She's pretty and short and cute and all glamorous, is a prefect, and can dance. Plus, she dresses in stuff I wouldn't go near; her favourite brand ever is Mango.

And I'm just like...plain and short and chubby/plump/fat. But wait!

DCALTKXD says:
Seriously
DCALTKXD says:
He said
DCALTKXD says:
You
DCALTKXD says:
Two
DCALTKXD says:
Were a tie
DCALTKXD says:
And your attitude brought u higher
DCALTKXD says:
I mean prettiness

No way I can compete with JJ in the looks department. I think it says a lot about my self-esteem that the first thing I felt was anger. Jan's paranoid about and hates being lied to, 'kay.

I like the attitude bit, though. And maybe that's the thing about looking eww -- people like you for your inside, which lasts longer than the outside. In the long run, at least.

I think I'm kind of happy now. Hooray for boosts in self-esteem. (:

Which colour best suits your personality?

2009-07-07T22:47:00.000+08:00

You are Black!
You are black! You are probably an introverted, indifferent sort of person. You aren't necessarily emo or really hateful, though you can be. You just aren't bubbly and happy all the time like yellows, oranges, and pinks. In fact, you probably have a hard time putting up with people who ARE happy all of the time.

You are probably intelligent and artistic, and maybe a little bit of a loner. You do have friends, you just don't mind being alone. Gives you time to think. You are a little blunt, and you usually tell it like it is.

You are classy, and simplicity goes a long way with you. You can be a little off-beat, your interests may not go with "the norm". As for your friends, you love them deeply. You may not have many close friends, but you choose them carefully. You are incredibly loyal to your friends, and they know they can count on you. You'd do just about anything for them, and they know it.

You probably don't show your feelings so much, but you do have feelings. Deep ones, too. You feel things deeply, and you can be passionate - you just don't show it. Your sense of humor is probably a little dark, but you do love to laugh. You can be totally crazy when you open up, but you rarely do. You, in a nutshell: Classy, introverted, loyal, a bit of a loner, unique, edgy, deep, artistic, crazy (rarely), intelligent. BLACK!

I love Facebook quizzes.

Yen Peng's

2009-07-05T23:04:00.003+08:00

I just realised Yen Pen tagged me forever ago, and I never did do it. Whoops. So here it is:

List 5 Things You Like
- Nice smells
- Neat writing
- Waking up late
- Rainy days (although it rather depends on the circumstances)
- Timothy's room

List 5 Things You Hate
- Insects
- Sorry attempts at being macho
- Parasites
- Bed Internet connection
- Feeling like a fifth wheel

List 5 Weird Facts Bout Yourself
- I peel my lip
- As 'emo kid' as it sounds, I often feel like none of my friends understand me
- I don't believe in love and romance and all that shizz at this age
- I almost always appear offline on MSN
- I think Archie and Cook would make a darling couple

List 5 People To Tag
- Go,
- Pikachu!
- I
- choose
- you!

Samad Carnival

2009-07-04T23:06:00.003+08:00

Carnival was a blast. Honestly, I was so worried that it would be this major flop (Cheer '09 as well as three other schools' installations were today too), but it wasn't! And it was nice to see most of the seniors back catching up on each other. That'll be my year in a bit.

I'm not afraid of cameras anymore! It's so nice, I was just looking at all the photos on Facebook, thinking, Haha, we look like idiots, not even caring that I look weird. I was hiding behind my sunglasses most of the time, though (it was hot!). Bahaha, Sze Li, Timmy, and Alvyn tried them on. Right now they're al icky and covered in fingerprints, so I'll have to sort them out tomorrow. I didn't get any photos with Chong. ):

Speaking of Chong, guess whose dance was the shizz? I was standing there in the hot sun, just beaming up at them, they were so good. I still haven't the faintest idea how to do a body roll, and there they were, looking as though they'd partially liquefied their bodies or something.

And Herman's band! But, chh, we all know anything with Herman in it's always amazing, right?

Bed now. Blog later. Great day today.

'Night, world.

I'm super proud of my friends

2009-07-04T00:18:00.002+08:00

Sze Li and I went to Block F today to have a peep at Sarah, Chong, JJ and Timmy's dance practice. Spotting us, they got us to come in and practiced one more time, just for us. N'aww.

It's such a joy to watch Sarah and Chong dancing, Chong especially. Yeah, I'm aware of how awfully corny that sounds, but it's true. You watch them dance, and you can tell straight away: they're different. They're not going through the motions of the dance like the rest are -- they're actually, really, dancing. And Chong is so obviously happy and comfortable and in his element, and I can't tell you how proud it makes me, watching him dance. Plus, he doesn't take dancing classes, so all those body rolls and moves-I-don't-know-the-names-of are pure, natural talent.

All of them have been juggling just way too much stuff recently (including boyfriends *winkwinknudgenudge*), but they're doing this, and they are going to do it well. Running around with dance practice and homework and assignments and tuition and transport problems and stuff, but they're going to be smiling and dancing on that stage tomorrow like everything was peachy. Now, how about that?

So yeah, this post is full of corniness and pride and joy, but most importantly, it's a happy one, and that's a good thing.

HEY, YOU GOONS. SZE LI AND I ARE GOING TO SMOTHER Y'ALL WITH HUGS TOMORROW, 'KAY? 'KAY.

Goodnight! (:

I hate the world

2009-06-30T23:36:00.003+08:00

I hereby announce that I give up on people.

No matter what anyone says, no one is there for me when I need them. Ever. It's all lies, lies, lies and sweet talk, and me wanting to throw myself off a cliff every now and then. Nobody cares, nobody would care.

When I try and talk, the conversation somehow steers to their own problems, 'cause everyone's favourite topic to talk about is themselves. And, heck, who wants to listen to me? I can't tell if they're the ones being self-centred or I'm the self-centred one for even thinking this.

I'm a bad person, aren't I? I'm a bad, bad, bad, bad person, and I don't know what I can do to fix it.

No one has the time for me, and I don't blame them. I don't have the time for me, either.

Things will get better. Things will get better. Things will get better.

Ugh

2009-06-30T22:44:00.005+08:00

Agh, I have so many things to blog about, but I haven't had (and still do not have) the time. BULLET LIST TIME.

Thankyou so much to everyone who replied to my last post -- Guo Zhang, my big bro, Sean, Enwiico. I need to reply to the first two and promise to do so when I'm not bogged down with schoolwork, because they got me thinking.
I want to blog about teachers and teaching methods and, more importantly, learning methods, 'cause I've been in Form Four for six months and I've learned some things, but this is not the time. Another day, then.
SAMAD CARNIVAL 4TH OF JULY 9A.M. TO 3P.M. COME!
RIP, Michael Jackson (it's 'ae', not 'ea'!). I want to blog about that too.
The topic of the prefects and the probies also requires another post.

Aaand I have to go now.

Ugh, I wonder how long it'll take before I burn out and give up on life. I've already given up on people. Not on myself, because I am a shell. And you can't give up on the shell of a person, because there is simply nothing to give up on. I'm in a funny sort of mood.

Read the first half of Fahrenheit 451 I-don't-remember-when. Don't like it don't like it don't like it.

Not loving life atm. Sing me to sleep, Archie.

Goodnight, world.

It's getting harrrder every night, to take the punnnches left and right

2009-06-24T21:39:00.005+08:00

I don't like this. Teenage years are supposed to be some of the best of our lives, but it's all school and tuition and HOMEWORK and exams and studying and assignments and colleges and universities and entrance exams and tuition fees and CHOICES and subjects and extra-curricular activities and scholarships I can't get and unfairness and results and 'this-will-affect-you-later-on-in-life' speeches.

I hate this. This is the age where we realise that childhood was the best thing ever and try to hold on to it for as long as we can, but people are telling us to buck up and and be mature. We're supposed to be forward-thinking, looking towards the future, when all we're really worried about right now is that Sejarah test this Friday. And that upcoming Mod Maths test. And that Chem assignment that nobody understands. Oh, and homework; it's always homework.

I am so many things. I am a girl, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a student, a prefect, a senior, a junior, a black belt, a vice-president, a secretary, a(n amateur) guitarist, a Christian (that shouldn't be so low down on my list, dang it), a fan, a blogger, a writer, a member of the Ed Board, a counselor, an assistant Rec. & Stat. officer, a best friend, an enemy(?), a pet sister, a Mibbian, a Rev. I am also very tired. All these things combined take so much out of me, because I am just so many things. Sometimes I wish I could just stop being. I wouldn't want to ever be someone else, because I believe that everyone has their own set of problems, no matter how well they hide them. They're always there, in everyone.

Hui Fen told me I'm supposed to be covering Minggu Kerjaya for the school magazine. Just how am I going to do that after it triggered this little outburst? The talk from the people, representatives of their colleges, in the Dewan Bakti just really freaked me out. I don't want to know about the 96% and above, or how famous your university is, or how hard the entrance exams are, or how few people you accept each year, or how effing expensive it is, or anything. I don't want to know!

...but I have to.

Ugh, I don't even know anymore. All this had better pay off in the future, because it is just insane. Actually, I'm scared of the future. I don't know what's going to happen then, and it's perfectly understandable to be afraid of the unknown.

I remember, when I was in primary school, looking at all the kor kors and che ches lepak-ing in the shopping malls, and thinking, If I study hard now, I can go to 1 Utama with my friends without Mummy and be cool like they are. I won't have to work hard then.

Oh, how painfully naive of me.

Apparently, things get even worse in the future:
"Well, Jan, as I told you before, it only gets worse."

My mother makes an early death look so appealing.

P.S.: The title of this post is from David Cook's Life on the Moon, which will be lulling me to sleep tonight. I think you should listen to it, it's a killer song. Over and out.

It's like zero gravity

2009-06-22T20:01:00.003+08:00

Fly.fm was playing Zero Gravity. It was the last thing I heard last night before going to sleep, and oh my gosh, the new version is so much better than the original. It has a bridge, which is awesome, since the original was rather repetitive and a little boring if you listened to it for too long. And the new one has some background singing and, just, gah, I love it so much.

I love him so much. David Archuleta makes me smile like no other. Can't wait for the new album, Archie, ilysm. <3

Du du du du-du du du

2009-06-16T22:02:00.005+08:00

I'm kind of in love with that Queen/Bowie song, Under Pressure. I never liked it until I saw/heard the guy and girl in We Will Rock You (that amazing Queen musical that I regret not going to Singapore to watch to this very day) sing it. I loved it so much, maybe even better than the original. The first time I heard the original, the first time ever, I went, "Hey! Isn't this...Ice Ice Baby?"

LMAO.

Oh my gosh. Some of the pictures here make me want to never eat again. Most of the ones with cheese look like vomit. I feel nauseous, for serious. Deep-fried lard balls topped with sugar?! How does anyone put these things into their mouths? Ugh! The ice cream cupcakes on page four look yummy, though. I'll take the ice cream and cupcake, but not the cone, thanks. Those things feel like plastic in your mouth, and they have about the same consistency as well.

Cracklin’
Pieces of pork fat, meat, and skin twice deep fried.

Oh my gosh, I need a bucket. Disgusting.

WHAT IS WITH PEOPLE AND DEEP-FRYING EVERY EDIBLE THING UNDER THE SUN?! That, and mixing sweet with savoury.

I'm editing the English submissions for the school mag now. Initially, I was all pumped and excited that I get to read them first (I thought so, anyway), but now it's just like...ohmannn. Okay, fine, it's not that bad, but, eh. If you're writing something, and you want to use this one word but are unsure of its meaning, you should check it first rather than just bantai and hope it doesn't sound stupid, because 70% of the time, it does.

These certainly aren't LJ-standard. The LJs I go to, anyway. There are some frickin' amazing writers on Livejournal, I swear.

Aaron said something about me being featured. I have no idea what he's talking about, he keeps changing the subject. Hmm.

Anyway, back to work. My eyes hurt.

See ya.

Pimping

2009-06-12T00:46:00.002+08:00

Ohai, everyone. If you're a little bored and can't think of what to do online and like David Cook, I have a new fanfic here. When I wrote it, I had in mind a certain Miss Lindsey Rose (if you don't know who she is, watch this video -- it's made out of all kinds of aww and win) and a Mr. Adam Cook. And I swear it isn't a sad story. It light and cute, and I think you might like it.

Anyway, it's here, if you're interested. Comments and concrit would be much appreciated.

Thankyou. (:

Jan fails @ Scrabble

2009-06-07T23:44:00.003+08:00

MSA Nationals.

I did not practice/train. I did not re-memorise my two and three-letter words. I did almost squat in preparation for this tournament.

And guess what? I was doing fine at first. Well, even. I was at table six twice on the first day. (I think I got trashed both times, but that's another story.) That was day one.

AND THEN CAME DAY TWO AND THE CURSE OF THE CONSONANTS. OMG WTF BBQ, EVEN WHEN I MISSED A TURN TO CHANGE MY TILES, ALL THE TILES I DREW WERE CONSONANTS.

*flips out*

Needless to say, Jan was a very miserable individual for the whole of today. I've snapped at practically everyone, even Nicholas Sim and my parents, which was very wrong of me, since they were all so wonderfully supportive. I should probably apologise.

Oh, look, I'm growing up.

The first day, I was up against William Kang. Again. And it was...interesting. I was trying hard not to giggle throughout the entire match.

To understand the story I am about to tell you, you must first know the little bit of history between William and I.

Exactly a year ago (although I'm not so sure about the 'exactly' part), it was my very first time at the nationals. Nicholas Sim and Wye Hong decided that it would be beneficial for me to recognise the players I should be scared shitless of, and decided to point them out. The very first one they did was a Mr. William Kang. Just as they were going on about how great and wonderful and scary he is, the guy with the mic announces that table [insert number here], Ho Hui Jan versus William Kang.

You should've seen our faces. Mine especially, according to Nichosim and Wye Hong. They never did let me forget that. Meanies.

Aaanyway. He trashed me, of course. But I started the game, an my first word was a bingo -- MELTERS. He challenged, and it existed, so yay me. Honestly, it was one of my first bingos, and I was so happy. Ha.

So I came home and blogged about everything, including him and his, um, attire. I can't for the life of me remember all the things I said about him, but...

I had to run off to the toilet, and was late for my third (I think it was) match. Dashing up to Nichosim to collect my bag, I got told grimly, "William Kang." Of course I didn't believe him, since they'd been joking about it before.

Then I walked past Wye Hong, who went, "William Kang ah!" and laughed. So of course I didn't believe it! And then one of the organising guys told me to take my seat and pointed at THE ONLY SEAT NOT TAKEN, and right across from it was...William Kang.

And I'd only just replied an SMS from my mom, in which she'd asked, 'Surely you're not so unlucky as to get W Kang again?' Just, you know. In chatspeak.

*headdesk*

So I sat, all flustered and apologetic as he regarded me calmly.

Then he went, "Four words: I hate your blog."

Without another word, he proceeded to start the game.

The funny thing is, it was the first non-Scrabble-related thing he's said to me since last year. Also, I hadn't the faintest that he'd been to my blog. And I couldn't even remember very well what I'd written about him, but I'm sure it wasn't very nice.

Ohai, William Kang, if you're reading this. You've grown quite a bit and you look different, but you still scare the shit out of me.

Speaking of looking different, I didn't even recognise Chang Ching Yet at first glance. Same with Vinnith, they've both changed so much! Liiyung looks a little different too, and Shu Wen's so much taller. This girl I know from Penang whose name I've forgotten has started wearing contacts and did away with her glasses.

Me, I guess I cut my hair short from the last time they all saw me. I haven't grown at alllll.

So the first day, I won five games out of eight and went home content.

And the second day (you know, the Curse of the Consonants day), I won two games out of seven.

*HEADDESK* *HEADDESK*

That's seven out of fifteen, which isn't even half. How epic fail is that? What's worse is, the last two games, I lost by nine and eleven respectively. And if I'd just trusted the second-last guy and not challenged him twice, I would've won by one mark. UGH. The last game, I WAS LEADING until he slammed me with two bingos. I got none.

Actually, to have lost by only eleven points when the opponent had two bingos and I had none is quite all right (in my opinion), but the point ('point', ha) is, I LOST.

I got amazing, amazing tiles for one game, and proceeded to thoroughly trash the poor guy I was against. He and my opponents from the first day are the reason(s) why my spread is still in the positives.

Speaking of positive, I'm going to TRY to be positive here and list out the pros of this tournament:
1. Got to see Nichosim again!
2. Met some people I know again.
3. Made new acquaintances.
4. Learned crazy new words.
5. Vowed to buck the heck up for next year's tournament.
6. Organising people were super nice (more on that later).
7. Got Krispy Kreme on the way back (which is, by the way, highly overrated).
8. Wye Hong got ninth place! :D

Cons?
1. FAILED EPICLY. FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL.
2. Came home and snapped at my parents. Practically yelled at Nichosim over SMS for asking how I did. *cringes*
3. Was utterly miserable, because there are few things I hate more than losing. CONSECUTIVELY.
4. The toilet was a hella long walk from the tournament site.
5. Came back both days with a backache and a headache.
6. FIVE POINTS PER CHALLENGE, OMG. I mean, it's fair, but it makes me nervous.

Okay, well, so there were more pros than cons. But I still am so frustrated about today's matches.

Now, about the people being super nice. On the first day, I was doing rather well, and was actually at table six twice. (And last game on the second day, I was at table nineteen, ha.) Anyway. I guess they noticed me and my immense amount of luck or something, because they started keeping an eye on my games.

I put up my hand to ask a question about my and my opponent's clock, and after the guy had answered, he gave out board a once-over. I had this bingo that hooked onto something so that it made IMA, which probably doesn't exist, but my opponent didn't challenge it, for which I was eternally grateful. After our game, the guy came back and asked, in an oily sort of voice, "Who won?"

"I did," I said.

Then he said...something like "Even with [something] blatant phony [something]?" I just stared at him. So IMA doesn't exist, then, but my opponent had every right to challenge me, which he didn't, so why was he calling me a phony? I got a bit worked up over it at first, but now if I were to meet him again, I'd like to ask him what he meant.

Um, sorry, that had nothing to do with the organising people being nice. Back to the topic.

When I passed up the results slip after the last game on the first day (in which I think Nasrom thoroughly trashed me - SANTERA, I ask you!), the guy keying in the results called me back.

"Hui Jan!"

Shock! Horror! These people actually pronounce my name correctly! I LOVE YOU! Because, apparently, most other people say 'Jahn-uary', you see. Anyway.

He then told me about the mistakes I made and where I could've put my bingo, RECLINER, instead of the spot I'd originally chosen, which made a word that didn't exist. I could've hooked onto the HO to make RHO, he told me. It was only after I'd reached home that I realised that rho is that Greek alphabet they use in Physics to represent density. Agh. He also gave me tips on making a bingo with two blank tiles, and he was just really nice. He also looked very familiar, like I've seen him somewhere before. Hmm.

What I like most is that they pronounced my name correctly, haha. When I heard I got table six for the first time, I was complaining to Nichosim about it as I headed there. (Come to think of it, I must've sounded pretty obnoxious. Oh, dear.) The oily-voiced guy who had called me a blatant phony or something like that earlier said, "Hui Jan, if you want to enter a Scrabble tournament, you have to play."

So I guess this tournament wasn't so bad, after all. It was better than last year's, but maybe that's because there were less people, and I knew more people. At least, I'm pretty sure there were less people. I hate the fact that I'm probably not even in the top half, but there's nothing I can do now. There was nothing I would've -- or could've -- done differently, not with my almost perpetually awful racks. This might sound like I'm trying to blame something else for my pitiful performance, but really, the second day was a nightmare. For the most part, anyway.

And I'm happy that Wye Hong got ninth place, since it's his last year entering and all. Like he said, good memories.

My gosh, after so long, all it took to pull myself out of my pit of misery and doom-and-gloom was a simple blog post. Granted, an extremely long blog post, but just a blog post. I guess I just needed to reflect on the whole thing for a bit and put things into perspective.

Oh, well. I've improved from last year without even really trying. Maybe not my ranking, but my playing. Last year, I wouldn't even have dreamed of playing a bingo per game, but now, I sometimes get two. I guess this might sound laughable to all those big names out there, but, hey, you were once as pathetic as me, okay.

Like they say, there's always next year. And I promise that I will do better then.

Scrabble

2009-06-05T22:52:00.001+08:00

Tomorrow. Nine-and-a-half hours' time. Or ten hours'. Depends on how specific you wanna get.

NOW I'M NERVOUS. D: