Twenty-ten

Dear everyone,

Happy new year! All the best for the year 2010. (: New year, new blog. Right here.

Goodbye, 2009. Goodbye, old blog. I might miss you.

- Hui Jan

Adieu, 2009

Honestly, I never realised how many things happened this year until about half an hour ago when I started going through all my blog posts from this year. It's just been one hell of a crazy year, things went by so fast -- events that happened in January seem years back. Now for my customary runthrough of the year's events.

Welcome to Hui Jan's New Year's Eve post.

1. Christian Fellowship BOD and Editorial Board
I was in both clubs and was involved in both fundraising events. CF's was the Valentine's Day sale -- Valentine Bottles, Mini Jars and chocolates -- that Sarah planned. It was a heavy burden indeed for her, and I think she did a great job with it. Ed Board, we had to go from shoplot to shoplot in SS2 to ask if they wanted to publish an ad in the school magazine. Then we sold ice kacang at the school carnival, for which I had to boil 2kg of red beans. Ugh. Couldn't stand the smell of them for quite a while. Not very fun, but it's all stuff you look back upon and laugh at.

2. Bangkok
The best part of the entire trip was the Chao Phraya River, it was an experience to remember. Especially the longboat ride during which my mother and I were convinced we were going to die drown.

3. DAVID ARCHULETA SHOWCASE
He is an angel. He looks like such an angel in the flesh. He is not photogenic. BELIEVE ME. And, gosh, when he singggs, it's amazing. Everyone sang along, but you could still hear him through it all (anyone got that Angels reference?). PLUS I HAD JANIE WITH ME TO SQUEE.

4. Dublin IMPAC
I got shortlisted in the top twenty, which was sort of unbelievable, since I can't honestly say I worked very hard on my entry. I got three books and a cheque for RM100, all thanks to my mom nagging me to take part. She won't have to nag next year, I'm in for sure. Assuming the theme isn't too hard.

5. Scrabble nationals
This was a bit embarrassing because I did diddly-squat in preparation for this. We weren't even sure if it was on because there weren't any state levels. To my bemusement, though, my name was read out on the list of 'promising players'. In my defense, though, I had shitty tiles the whole of the second day. Ah, well. I need to get ready properly before the next one in order to justify my place on that list.

6. International Clubs Taekwondo Organisation championship
This was my last championship before quitting taekwondo for good, and I'm sorry to say it didn't go very well. My taekwondo spirit seemed to have left me some time before this, and I didn't prepare very well for this, either. The Vietnamese all snagged the poomsae medals, anyway -- those people are scarily good. I got 19.1 points over 30, which was pretty good, relatively. The Vietnamese all scored 22 points and above, though.

7. Work
This year, I started working at a restaurant called My Elephant. It's a Thai place, and I think I've had enough Thai food to last me a while. The other people working there are really nice, and it was a pleasure working there; yesterday was my last day, and, like Timothy, I'm going to miss it.

8. New phone
Got it on the 29th of December. Sony Ericsson G705. Slider. Wi-fi. I love it so. <3

9. Discipline Officer 1
I got my dream prefect post ever since I became a morning session prefect. I am highly grateful that the previous BOD entrusted me with this post, and promise I will not screw up.

And that isn't all, you know. I cut some out because I felt they weren't significant enough and therefore not worth blogging about. So much has happened this year, more than any other year; it all went by so fast it's insane.

Next year is SPM year, and my mother's begun going, "It's time to really knuckle down" and stuff. Timothy says his mom is the same, so it's good to know I'm not alone. Probably all mothers are the same when it comes to major exams, though. Bah. It's not quite fair of me to want to have SPM over and done with already, is it, since I haven't actually started suffering yet?

I'm going to be seventeen and driving and getting lost all the time too, next year. People keep telling me my sense of direction will improve drastically when I start driving; I sincerely hope that's true, because I'm going to be wasting a lot of petrol if it doesn't.

It feels weird that I will be a senior next year. A senior -- it sounds so weird. I'm going to miss my own seniors. Aaron's leaving for good this time.

Try as I might to visualise next year, I can't really. It's all foggy except for the SPM, which I suppose is to be expected, 'cause no one really knows what's going to happen. Guess we'll just have to sit tight and see where it takes us, huh?

Goodbye, 2009, you've brought so many memories, both bitter and sweet.

Hello, 2010. Be nice, yes?

Is it too late for snowflakes?

You know, I think there are many things that shape a person's personality, not just their starsign. I'm rather into starsigns, always have been; I love how I'm pretty much a classic Aquarian, because it's probably the best starsign there is. (Biased? Moi?) But I've been reading and I've been thinking, about myself and other, and realised how many different things shape a person's personality. Here are some of them:

1. Starsign
2. Zodiac
3. Upbringing
4. Position in order of siblings
5. Number of siblings
6. Important events during childhood
7. Social standing (economy-wise)
8. Friends

So that's why people are so different, that's why some people completely don't fit the classic characteristics of their zodiac/starsign. My best friend Janie and I are both pretty much classic Aquarians, yet we're so different...and that's where numbers two to eight come into play. You could take two people who have numbers one, two, four, five seven, and eight in common (although, frankly, you'd be hard-pressed to find two people just like that), but their numbers three and six would not be the same.

If you could somehow search through the billions of people on the planet, you actually might -- might -- find someone just like you. Good luck trying to speak their language, though. Does culture affect one's personality? Might be yet another difference there.

Isn't it wonderful? We are our own person; there is no one in the world quite like we are. We really are special snowflakes, you know? It's amazing if you think about it.

"My point is, there are a lot of people in the world. No one ever sees everything the same way you do; it just doesn't happen. So when you find one person who gets a couple of things, especially if they're important ones...you might as well hold onto them. You know?"

- Olivia; Lock & Key, by Sarah Dessen

I love that quote. Luckily for me, I do know a few people like that, and I am most definitely holding on to them. <3

It goes on and on and on and onnn

I'm getting that sort of restless feeling that tells me my mind's way too cluttered at the moment. In this post, I am going to just ramble on and on in no particular direction whatsoever in the hopes of clearing some of that clutter. People have said before that they like the way I think or know people who are scared of the way I think, and I guess by the time you get to the end of this post, you'll probably form your own opinion on the matter.

I'm actually really not looking forward to school for various reasons. Some of which being:
a) (i) Single-session school
(ii) Shortage of prefects
b) SPM
c) My handwriting is shit now
d) Distant memories such as homework and schoolwork and exams become an awful reality again
e) People I easily avoid by appearing offline on MSN won't be so easy to avoid anymore
f) After the Penang trip and then Christmas, I don't even want to think about trying on my uniform
g) School = tuition = hectic schedule

Look at me, being such a pessimist. Bah.

I also have several conversations with several friends rolling around in my head. One, for example, was about love. A friend was trying to convince me to change my stand on it. I think I've blogged before about not believing in it and shit, so yeah. Never took that fella to be one of those optimistic romantic types. >_>

Another one was about being pressured to accept Christ. Another friend and I were talking, and just... I don't know. These people, they mean well, but you can't just...make people say that Jesus Christ is their saviour. They have to really believe it, not just say it for the sake of saying it so they'll stop getting pestered. I am a Christian, yeah, but I don't agree with the way some people do things. It makes me sort of lose a little bit of faith, to be honest. I mean, people believe so many things and they all claim their branch of Christianity is the 'right' one, but who can be sure? Religion is a sticky business.

I've typed quite a bit, but the feeling's still there. What else, what else...

I hate to admit it, but I don't like David Archuleta's Christmas album. I used to love his voice so much, but I now find certain parts of certain songs annoying. Agh. It's probably me. I've changed. I've changed a lot over the past year.

It's so hard to digest that I'll be in Form Five next year. I can still remember my first days of Form One, hating Samad with all my heart. I dreaded school 'cause all my friends got posted to Taman SEA. I was the only one in my class who'd gotten Samad, and when our class teacher called my name and read out the school I was posted to, you could've heard a pin drop in the classroom. I hated the school, I hated the people, I hated me. It was awful.

Funny, now I can't imagine leaving.

At work, the manager and assistant manager are both ex-Samadians (win!). I asked Adrian, the assistant manager, and he says he misses it a lot. Now I really don't want to leave.

Gosh, Form Five. I remember thinking of this year's Form Fives as 'the Form Twos'. I remember being so intimidated by the Form Fives when I was in Form Two, even though it had Aaron in it. Aaron's leaving for good, gosh. I'm going to really miss him, esp if he's going overseas.

My Christmas was good. The highlight of my presents was the (Product)Red iPod nano I got, wheeeee. I haven't stopped admiring it, it's so pretty and shiny and new-smelling. Is it wrong that I feel less spoilt because a fraction of the price was donated to the HIV victims in Africa? I also got enough chocolate to last me at least the first half of next year. (Looking at you, Sze Li and Timmy! ;D Plus from the CF party.)

It's now exactly half an hour past the time I told myself I would get offline. I need to get myself some self-control, man. I go now. Goodnight, world.

Last Christmas

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away.

Ah, the wonderful world of regifting.

It's here!

Merry Christmas, everyone. I hope you have a great one this year. (:

Also, congrats to all the PMR candidates, straight As or not, for getting through a milestone in life.

Bed now. Goodnight, world. <3

The most wonderful time of the year

Got back from the CF Christmas Party. T'was fun, and it was nice to see my friends and (sort of) long-lost seniors again! Hugs all around. (: You know what's funny? For the gift exchange, I gave chocolate, and received chocolate in return. The Lord worketh in strange ways.

It's practically Christmas Eve, but I still do not feel very Christmassy. Therefore, I shall treat you all to what my family normally does on the Eve as well as the day itself.

The day before Christmas Eve, my mom takes out the turkey to thaw. We have turkey every single year -- it wouldn't be Christmas without roast turkey. On the Eve, she starts roasting it sometime in the afternoon. We have the Christmas tree lights (chasing lights and a tree -- another staple of Christmas for us) on and the whole house smells like roasting turkey and we have to keep the dog away from the hot oven, seeing as how she possesses practically no survival skills. The wine goes into the fridge to be chilled around now.

At dinnertime, my uncle and grandfather come over, both bearing gifts, which go under the tree. The turkey is carved and served with its stuffing (bacon and sausage), vegetables, and wine. My sister and I get the drumsticks every year, and we pull the wishing bone together after the huge meal. I usually win because I've gotten the hang of this certain way to break it. Shhh. Aaanyway, we then have dessert, which is usually chocolate pudding.

After dessert, we all sit around and talk, listen to Christmas carols, and watch TV until midnight, at which time my sister and I are each allowed to open one present. Said tradition originates from when we were really young and rather insistent that we be allowed to open our presents since it was technically Christmas Day. Each year, we normally choose our uncle's or grandfather's to open.

My uncle and grandfather leave after that, and that's our cue to retire to bed one by one.

On Christmas morning, my sister and I are up earlier than usual and have to wait for our parents to get up so we can all open our presents together. Besides, they don't have anyone's names on them, so the gifter has to be there to point out which presents belong to which giftee. The floor is a mess of cellophane tape and wrapping paper after we're done.

The rest of the day is spent enjoying our presents and eating turkey sandwiches, turkey porridge, turkey whatever else. And then we're sick of turkey till the next Christmas rolls around.

I love Christmas, I think it is -- like the song says -- the most wonderful time of the year. Yes, even better than Chinese New Year with all the ang pows, because money isn't everything. There's just this feeling of peace and love, and I love that so much. Christmas should always be happy; nobody should be sad on Christmas Day, it's just wrong. It makes my December.

Wishing all of you out there a very merry Christmas and happy new year, while I'm at it. Have a great time with your loved ones and those who matter to you, because Christmas is meant to be shared. (:

The Curious Case of Edward Scissorhands

These are two movies I absolutely adore. Notice the common theme between them?

They're not normal. They're both outcasts, misfits; they don't quite belong anywhere. No one really understands them, and they have nowhere, no one. (Well, okay, Edward had his old castle, but, still.) And even though they go through so much, they're both still really sweet people.

I'm not quite sure what this says about me. Either I relate to them and think of myself as a bit of an outcast as well, or I have a major soft spot for the underdogs. Except, it's not quite right to call them 'underdogs', and the reason for having a soft spot for them kind of brings us back to the first option. Hmm.

I felt a pull towards Edward (SCISSORHANDS, NOT CULLEN) even as I watched because he was so shy and vulnerable. He can't do a lot of things by himself, and it makes you both want to giggle and go all motherly on him. He's sort of someone you want to take care of, like a child.

Benjamin, I just want to befriend him. Sit down with him and just talk about everything. Ask him things about himself, make him tell me things, you know? I want him to have someone there.

Look at me going all weird over fictional characters. I'm really weird, aren't I? Anyway, if you haven't watched either movie, please do -- I think they're rather amazing.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

I just watched it with my family tonight, and I love it. Really, I love it. Why did I listen to my friends who said it was boring? Not once did I feel bored all throughout the show, even though it was kind of draggy. Yes, it was long; yes, it was draggy. But I don't think there were any unnecessary parts in it.

Dying a baby is just so sad. I don't know, just the thought of a baby dying is awful. He'd lived for a long time by then, I know, but... The thought of it is just really sad. The old, wrinkled baby made me think of Lord Voldemort in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. It was horrible of his father to dump him like that, but I suppose it was understandable. His wife had died giving birth to what he must've thought was a monster, and he was upset. He did visit Benjamin from time to time, though.

Also, the man who aged backwards had a kid. A girl. He left her and his wife because he figured there was no way his wife could bring up their child and have to take care of him as a child as well. But he loved her. For her birthday each year, he wrote on a postcard and kept each one for her to read later, when she was older and could be told about her father. I cried when his daughter read out the postcards. It must be horrible to watch your kid age and not be able to have any contact whatsoever with them.

He must've felt so alone, Benjamin. He had nowhere to go, there was no one else in the world like him. No one would ever really get it, and it was just easier for him to lie -- who would believe his story, anyway? Death was such a common thing in his life, and he lost people dear to him again and again and again. How awful. Imagine having nowhere to rest your head, no real home, no family to speak of. Aging backwards sounds horrible.

This is an amazing, thought-provoking, bloody depressing movie. I'm going to go to sleep tonight thinking about Benjamin.

Matthew

Today I was picked up from work and my whole family headed to Music Mart's Christmas celebration event. My sister was going to perform Winter Wonderland on her saxophone. The highlight of the event (that I SO wish I had a photo of) was--

No, not the Michael Jackson impersonator.

No, not the two little girls singing Wudolph the Wed-Nosed Weindeer. (It was cute, though. For the first verse or so, at least.)

No, not Santa Claus' appearance.

No, not my sister. Chh.

It was the Aseana Percussion Unit. More specifically, a member of the Aseana Percussion Unit. A boy. His name is Matthew, and he is so cute!

He was alternating between playing this small blue drum and shaking this shake-shake-chicka-chicka-sound thing. I'm sorry, I have no idea what it's called. And in another song, he picked up this long instrument I'd never seen in my life that basically functioned the same way as the shake-shake-chicka-chicka-sound thing. His timing and sense of rhythm was really good. Also, when the Aseana Percussion Unit started doing this dance to Rasa Sayang, he kept sticking his hands in the air in the opposite direction of everyone else. Aww! Seriously, he is so dang adorable. Really.

Oh, I think I neglected to mention that he's four years old. (Psych!)

I really wish I had a photo of him to show y'all. He is so incredibly adorable, I swear. I don't like little kids as a general rule, but I adore him. Eee. <3

When it rain and rain and rain and rains

I haven't really been updating, I'm aware of that. It's just that nothing much is going on.

I'm working now, and it's a really nice place with nicer people, but I'm not sure if you want to hear about that. I'm doing my first night shift tomorrow. I'm a bit nervous since the menu's larger, but, well, if Timmy can do it, so can I! I can do this shi(f)t!

I have my Undang test on Monday, which I fell asleep attempting to study for today. It is so boring, I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through both books.

And...nothing. I feel so blah. This is a stupid post, I apologise.

Goodnight.

Insomniac in Penang

Sitting here in a hotel room, a stranger in my own country 'cause I don't speak the local lingo. I should learn to bring notebooks along for trips -- instead of my nice, big journal, I've been reduced to scribbling down my thoughts on hotel note paper using my thigh as a writing surface. One page is all of big enough for one paragraph.

I'm sitting by the window, looking out at the world thirteen storeys below. The lights are beautiful; they're mainly orange, but I see red, yellow, pink, green as well. Houses in neat rows, talltall buildings, flyovers, roads -- the city is still and moving at the same time. I watch the tiny toy cars and motorbike ants and wonder about the people in and on them. It's funny, isn't it? You could be just going merrily on your way somewhere and not realise that someone's thinking about you, wondering about you. Maybe even wanting to be you. Or just plain wanting you.

Owl City is the perfect soundtrack right now. I feel even more lonely when it gets to Vanilla Twilight, though. But I'm in a peaceful mood, and the loneliness doesn't bite so bad. Orange lights against an inky black sky makes me feel at peace with the world.

If you look out at the balcony where the lifts are, during the day, you can see the blue of the sea nearly blending with that of the sky. Still, I prefer the city night lights. I'm such a city kid.

Owl City. I am in Owl City. It is inhabited by crazy insomniacs like myself. To be honest, I can't tell if I can't sleep or I won't let myself. Whichever it is, everything's getting fuzzy, and I will be writing crap from now on. I think I might fall asleep finally at this window.

I'm looking down and thinking what an incredible distance thirteen storeys is. What a mess there'd be if I just jumped or something. I'd go crashing through a roof of one of the houses below -- what awful shocks I'd give the residents. Oh, I'm not, you know, thinking of doing it. I'm just thinking about it.

I have so much to lose and there's still so much I haven't done. I say that, but I can't pinpoint anything for either one right now.

Who are all these people out and about, driving around at two a.m.? Why aren't they at home in bed, asleep?

Best Day Ever

Dear everyone,

Today is the two-year anniversary of my MCR show. Exactly two years ago, Gerard, Mikey, Frank and Ray actually set foot on Malaysian soil and breathed our polluted KL air and played a show for us. My dad came with me because my friends are kind of fail. I hate crowds and made it through the whole set without passing out through sheer willpower.

That night, I saw my heroes perform. (The term 'saw' being used very loosely, since I'm frickin' short and there were frickin' tall Caucasians in front of me.) They played songs that mean a whole lot to me, and listening to the CD was never the same again after that. Cancer was amazing. Everything was pitch-black and the only light came from behind Gerard as he stood all alone on the stage, singing to us; like a star, in more ways than one. Famous Last Words gave me the best feeling ever, even though I knew it was the last song. They opened with This is How I Disappear, and everyone went absolutely nuts.

Sorry. I can't get my thoughts in order right now. Watching YouTube vids from that night. Dnsukndsjkdere those guys are amazing.

Unless you've been to one, you wouldn't quite get the experience of going to a concert by your absolute favourite band. It was heaven, it was hell -- awe-inspiring, either way. It was my first, you know? I'm glad they were the ones to pop my concert-going cherry.

I know I'm going through all sorts of phases right now, music-wise, but I never did stop loving them. They mean a lot to me, and no newcomer's going to change that. I do still Keep the Faith, if only on the inside. They make me happy, and I'm glad that they still do.

- Hui Jan

P.S. I saw Frank on the front cover of Alternative Press and read the article on them. Now I'm even more excited for their new album.

Sexist music listener?

I was going through my Windows Media Player playlists just now and realised something: the artistes I listen to are almost all males. Seriously, in my Ear Candy playlist, there are only two songs by female artistes/bands with females in them out of thirty-seven. And in Slow Songs, again, there are only two songs, out of forty-four this time. In Random Ones, six out of a hundred and fifty-three. I have more playlists, but I'm too lazy -- and embarrassed -- to go through them.

Why is this so? I mean, I know there was a period of time where I was into slightly screamo stuff and I don't really like female voices in that particular genre of music, but that phase is over now. Do I have something against female artistes? And why should I? I myself am female and should therefore be supporting them, shouldn't I? Am I being sexist in my music choices or is this just the way my music taste is?

This is really weird. It doesn't matter much, I suppose. Still, it kind of bugs me a wee bit. Oh, well.

Ordinary people

People I look up to (whether they realise it or not) :
Aaron Yip
Hwa Hong
Yu Hong
Mei Kuen
Miss Huey Ying
Gerard Way
David Cook
Mikey

These are people who -- unless they do something really stupid to tarnish their reputation in my mind -- I will always think of as above me. I respect them a great deal and they make me want to become a better person, each in their own way. I'm sure there are more, it's just I can't think of them at the moment. The thing about this list is that the people in it are mostly ordinary people, did you notice? They are supposedly ordinary, yet they inspire me so.

Ordinary people can be heroes too Think about it -- right now, some little kid could be picturing you in their mind and telling themself, That's what I wanna grow up to be. It's so amazing to think about, isn't it? That you and I -- ordinary people -- could be someone's hero, right at this very moment.

If that doesn't make you want to become a better person, I don't know what would.